12/26/22 Hello Brandon, I had a 17 minute call with KarenJane today. She wished me a Merry Christmas with a BYU Carillon Bells video by text message last week. Provo covered in white, the organist pressing levers down with hands and feet for the music. @ She said your graduation on Dec 4 was so good. 1- You had 5 guests there and they slept overnight in Panguitch. 2- The guards took pictures of you with friends and family. 3- They provided food and all the water bottles anyone could want. 4- You were able to touch and give hugs. 5- As a worker you now have cable access. You had it before as a mentor but. . . That was the longest length of time you have ever gone without a job. 6- You seem happier there than you have been in any other jail/prison. 7- recap: they have 4 guest visiting stations and no TV monitors to talk through. And unlimited time. Glory BE! For those 7 items. @@@ So I confirmed with KJ that she is a fixer/ a caregiver/ a rescuer. She said, as evidenced by teaching Special ED all those years and not burning out after 5! I made her promise she would listen to my story without fixing anything. “Will I need to tape my mouth shut?” v-Probably. So I told her my story of sending softcore & access. And I ended with the statement: What level of the gospel should you be expected to live in prison: Telestial, Terrestrial, Celestial? @@ I called David Hughes and left a vmail because KJ said he may have finally gotten around to emailing you Calendar pages last week, like I finally did! Ha. KJ almost succeeded in not fixing. She lasted about 5 minutes and then apologized. I caught her on it and pointed it out. As you know Gayelinn & Scott & Camille and I have a rule that we just listen and encourage and validate(siblings). We are allowed to whine and complain to our heart’s content. Can you imagine the relief of pressure that takes place in a relationship when that happens? Google: Why People Develop Fixer Syndrome
The desire to "fix" people, or not wanting them to experience pain, usually comes from good intentions. Fixers like Carol mean well. Their need to step in and help often originates from their own experiences of needing help.\Although fixers are truly kind and compassionate, they also need to feel needed and, in a sense, they're fulfilling a selfish need while helping others. They get a kick out of solving problems, providing solutions, and being rescuers.\On the surface, it's hard to argue with such apparent altruism. After all, acts of kindness and compassion make the world a better place.\
Stepping in to help is the right thing to do. And fixers set a great example – up to a point. Beyond that, the boundaries between helping, interfering and controlling start to blur.\The Downside of Fixer Syndrome\Also, fixers could set themselves up for failure because of a single universal truth that I call Relationship Rule Number One: you can't change other people!\To be honest, often you can't even change yourself, even though you want to change and you have full control over you! Imagine how difficult it would be to fix another person.\Trying to fix others can take up a great deal of time, as well as mental, physical and emotional energy.\We're all adults who must learn to take responsibility for our own choices and actions. If you're constantly taking responsibility on behalf of another person to shield them from the consequences, there's no motivation for them to change. While you may think you're doing good, you're not helping their situation.\Fixers often find it difficult to stop wanting to improve a person. It's necessary to learn to accept people as they are, and not as you want them to be.\Learn to know the difference between healing and fixing. By all means help someone heal by providing a safe space, by listening mindfully, by coaching and guiding, but don't try to fix them.\Lastly, work on your healing, and help others heal from your position of wholeness rather than your position of need. The best guide to the mountaintop is a person who has already climbed it.[That makes good sense to me.] @@@ So Janice is my 8 year BoM class team teacher. She and Jonnie missed this week and a couple of days later I realized a tease/joke that Lisa Alford made that I finally recognized. I laughed through the vmail as I shared it with her. Our lesson was from Enos-WoMormon. So prayer was key. Lisa said she was asked to pray for opening sacrament meeting and after 45 minutes the bishop tapped her on the shoulder and said that was good . Lisa never ever makes jokes and so It took me a couple of days to recognize. Janice Divine responded with this today: [fluff to you but important to me]
2:07 PM
Hi there! Thanks for my Christmas wishes & sharing Lisa's funny. I hope you had a merry Christmas & that your new year is filled with good health, much happiness & abundant blessings!
Have to share this: I finally got up enough never to text my stake president in person to see if he had any plans to release me from the B of M class any time soon. I'm going to forward my text & his...
Me:
Hi Pres Frodsham! I hope you & yours had a very Merry Christmas & are blessed with a healthy, happy & wonderful New Year. I was wondering if y’all might pray about a replacement Book of Mormon teacher for me? It will be 8 years in April & though I have thoroughly enjoyed the class, learned much & experienced much, I’m thinking it’s time for someone else to reap the blessings of that calling. Thanks much, for all you do & all you are!
His reply:
Thank you for the well wishes and hope the same for you and yours. I have to admit that I’m a bit embarrassed about your question. I’m not sure what class you’re referring to? Is this something in our stake that I’m not aware of and I should be?
v-Huge SMILE!
Off the radar. . . .
j-lol how's that for anonymous service in the vineyard?!? 🤣🤣🤣
v-Well SAID! 8 years. . . H e l p. Did anyone forget about me? Is there a high councilman that should be reporting on us? [I believe anonymous service is over rated.] v There was. I was called by a high councilman & then several yrs ago a different one introduced himself & said he was over us. I asked at that time if they might release me. Every time I saw him, he said they were working on it, had asked a few people who had said no... he might be who finally called Joan? 🤷♀️
The couple in charge of the WashCo singles used to live in our stake, which is how we became hosts of the class, I think. I'm pretty sure it's another stake's turn to host it. We've had it for at least 13 yrs: Brett did it for 5 yrs before me & I thought Karye said someone else did it before him.
Aha! A clue! I now have two eleven year olds in town. (girl and boy) Brooklyn goes to Tonaquint where I taught with Brett Wilson. I looked up their teachers last week and he is still there! His dad taught with me as a science teacher before Brett taught PE. Back to the other topic: I so understand. Diligent, consistent, dependable, (talented/gifted in your case), willing, BoM teachers are hard to come by!
lol You are too kind. I didn't know Brett's dad was a teacher too. That's kinda cool.
That was an unusual experience. Lisa Shaw and Jen Shaw, her daughter, both taught science with me and are still at Tonaquint but. . . Now they are 6th grade LArts teachers. I left Jen an email last week. It's been 10 years. Maybe she will respond. Brooklyn has her.
Wow! Have you already been retired for 10 yrs? Or just 10 yrs since you last spoke?
Yep, I got canned/retired at 57! I'm now 67. In Feb it will be 10 long lonely years.
Wow! Have you gone back as a volunteer? They're always looking for volunteers. Or maybe as a crossing guard? They're always looking to hire those. Or just done with the whole school scene?
How long did you teach? Are you from here, or the StG area?
Way, Way, WAY done with it! I taught 2 years of Biology and Chemistry in Longmont Co. Then 30 years here. DJr, PineView Middle, Desert Hills Middle, Tonaquint Intermediate. Where my Principal Barbara Garret outlasted me and didn't like me. Growl! @@@ It was only with HF's help I made it that long. I love indexing in Italian. 1- it is always a challenge. 2- I am helping build the kingdom. 3- I can keep track of my efforts and goals. V
Nice! So, how many names have you indexed now?
I returned here after my Guatemala mission in '76. My family moved while I was there. We ONLY had one stoplight in town! ONE! At JCPennies on the Blvd. now it is called RENew or something.
I do 3K a month. 100/day. I don't give out more bragging numbers than that.
You had a goal of 1 million that you've already reached, right? How many years of Italian names? I'll do the math.
You are so cute! Since you already know that much I will admit: I did 2 million reviewing. I had to use 60 different names so they didn't know it was all one person. But Indexing makes me type every little item so. . . 254K indexed. And I am prouder of them than my 2M reviewed. ha V
You're amazing! And dedicated! What a reunion awaits you Vincenzo!!!
Thank you. You too are too kind! But all I did was index. They still need to be found and have their ordinances performed.
But they won't be found without the indexing groundwork. You are doing important, essential work!
12/29/22 Good Morning Brandon, My app would not let me start the CFM-NT lesson on Sunday. :( So I went back and did Moses 1. Jared Halverson, so gifted, Undaunted podcast, was trying to explain how God communicated with Moses twice in that chapter and how we should feel God’s love like Moses did. And it came to pass that when Moses had said these words, behold, aSatan came btempting him, saying: Moses, son of man, worship me.
13 And it came to pass that Moses looked upon Satan and said: Who art thou? For behold, I am a ason of God, in the similitude of his Only Begotten; and where is thy bglory, that I should worship thee?
Moses knew he was loved as a son of God. He even proclaimed it to Satan’s face. JH says Satan wants a quick win. Pushing us off the path in either direction works: Too righteous like the Jewish priests or too wicked and unwilling to repent. Satan is persistent but not enduring. I’m not sure I understand that. JH tries to reassure us at the 1:35:00 mark that God’s love never fades. Our sensitivity to it might fade. And Mental illness can make us numb, insensitive, broken. Just like DGR told us about our receptors. What? Where is that? I want to know. This is such a huge deal in my life. Where does it say that? I went hunting for an hour and finally found it, and a ton of other interesting things like how to respond to suicide. So here it is. I have heard portions of this before. His audience is NOT the general membership of the church but rather BYU students at the devotional.
Experience God’s Love
Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
December 3, 2019
Addressing our dysfunctional receptors for God’s love restores power, stability, and direction in our lives.
Brothers and sisters, I would like to compare our physical and spiritual health in a discussion about receptors. Our physical health depends on hormones and their receptors. Hormones, such as thyroid hormones, insulin, and many others, are substances produced in glands and then transported in the bloodstream to specific cells, and they stimulate those cells by interacting with specific receptors. Illness can occur when either the gland does not produce enough hormone or the receptor is dysfunctional. You can imagine that the signs and symptoms of an illness can be similar in either case. Hormone and other treatments can resolve or mitigate the illness in many situations.
There is a type of receptor dysfunction that is eternally consequential: the inability to sense God’s love and feel His Spirit. God’s love is infinite and perfect. There has never been nor will there ever be a deficiency of God’s love. The apostle Paul said:
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? . . .
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus.1
But what do you do if you do not feel the love of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ? I know with certainty that the problem is not with Their love. The problem is with your receptors for Their love. If you have dysfunction of your receptors for God’s love, you can lose your way and succumb to dangers such as hopelessness, helplessness, and loneliness.
If you experience dysfunction of these receptors, God’s influence in your life is minimized. With complete dysfunction, you will not sense Their love or Their caring concern for you. The prophet Mormon described this condition in his people. He lamented:
For behold, . . . they are without Christ and God in the world. . . .
They were once a delightsome people, and they had Christ for their shepherd; yea, they were led even by God the Father.
But now, behold, they are led about by Satan, even as chaff is driven before the wind, or as a vessel is tossed about upon the waves, without sail or anchor, or without anything wherewith to steer her; and even as she is, so are they.2
Without Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and Their influence in our lives, we have no shepherd. Without Them, there is no sail—meaning there is no power. Without Them, there is no anchor—meaning there is no stability, especially in times of storm. Without Them, there is nothing with which to steer—meaning there is no direction. No power, no stability, and no direction are all consequences of dysfunctional receptors for Their love.
A Cautionary Tale
In my experience, receptor dysfunction for God’s love happens slowly and imperceptibly over time—not all at once. I will relate an embarrassing experience that I did not tell my wife for years. I learned for myself that I was vulnerable. Because I suspect you might be at risk too, I will share my cautionary tale. It highlights this warning by the Savior:
But there is a possibility that man may fall from grace and depart from the living God;
Therefore let the church take heed and pray always, lest they fall into temptation;
Yea, and even let those who are sanctified take heed also.3
After I finished medical school, my wife, daughter, and I moved to Baltimore, Maryland, for further training at Johns Hopkins Hospital. At that time the training years were brutal, time intensive, and exhausting.
Toward the end of my first year, I was weary. Because interns worked every day and every second or third night, I worked every Sunday and was able to attend church only about half the time. Our ward met in a suburb of Baltimore at 2:30 in the afternoon. We lived across the street from the hospital and had only one car. Some Sundays I could finish my work and join my wife and daughter as they left for the meetings at 2:00 p.m. Other Sundays I could not.
One Sunday I could tell that if I really hurried with my work, I would be able to go with my wife and daughter to church. But then I had this thought: If I slowed down a little bit and waited, I would not get home until after my wife and daughter had departed. Then I could skip church and take a nap. It mortifies me to say that I did exactly that.
I walked home at 2:15 and laid down on the couch. But I could not sleep. I was profoundly disturbed. I had always loved going to church. I had always felt a burning testimony of Christ’s living reality. But on that day the intensity was not there.
It was not so hard to figure out why. I had stopped consistently doing some personal, private acts of devotion. My routine was that I would get up in the morning, say a prayer, and go to work. Sometimes there would be no distinction between the end of the day and the beginning of the next. I would work through the night and the next day, come home late that second day, and fall asleep without a prayer and without reading anything in the scriptures. The following day the cycle started again. I had allowed my receptors for God’s love to become dull, so that the things of the Spirit were less urgent and less important.
With this realization, I got off the couch, knelt on the floor, and pleaded with God for forgiveness. I begged for help. As I did, a plan formulated in my mind and heart to change the pattern of behavior.
I began with simple reminders to myself. On my daily to-do list, I started including morning and evening prayers. I brought a paperback Book of Mormon to my cubicle in the hospital and included scripture reading on that to-do list. Some nights the scripture reading was short, just a few verses before midnight. Sometimes my prayers were offered in unusual locations. But I read the scriptures daily. I prayed daily. My plan included a commitment that I would never miss an opportunity to partake of the sacrament. Never.
As I enacted my new course of action, the intensity returned, and my testimony burned brightly again. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had not gotten off that couch that Sunday afternoon. My life would have been very different. Instead, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ became central to my life again. My receptors for God’s love and my affinity for the Spirit improved.
A Prescription for Dysfunctional Receptors
The inability to sense God’s love can stem from sin or from not pressing forward on the covenant path. The inability can also be due to physical or mental illness. For instance, clinical anxiety and depression require professional help. God expects us to seek professional help when indicated. Remember Captain Moroni’s rhetorically sarcastic question to Pahoran: “Or do ye suppose that the Lord will still deliver us, while we . . . do not make use of the means which the Lord has provided for us?”4 Prayers in this situation may seem somewhat insincere to God as they are manifestations of faith without works.5
1. Repentance
In my situation, absent mental illness, I followed a three-fold prescription for my dysfunctional receptors for God’s love. The first is what President Russell M. Nelson refers to as “increased purity, exact obedience.”6 This means repentance. If you are doing something that is causing receptor dysfunction, repent. Repentance is a joyful process. Remember that God does not really care who you were and what you did. He cares who you are, what you are doing, and who you are becoming. As President Nelson said, repentance is not punishment:
[The] feeling of being penalized is engendered by Satan. He tries to block us from looking to Jesus Christ, who stands with open arms, hoping and willing to heal, forgive, cleanse, strengthen, purify, and sanctify us.7
If you feel that you have done something unredeemable or irreparable or you are too far gone, that feeling is not coming from the Holy Ghost. It is engendered by faulty thinking or by Satan.
2. Scripture Study
The second is what President Nelson refers to as “earnest seeking, daily feasting on the words of Christ in the Book of Mormon.”8 Feasting, not nibbling, on the words of Christ, especially in the Book of Mormon, has the power to dramatically change receptors for God’s love. Studying the words of Christ will put you “in a position to begin having experiences with [God].”9 It did for me. This advice from Paul to Timothy applies to you:
From a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.10
3. Partaking of the Sacrament
Third, I made sure that I would never miss an opportunity to partake of the sacrament so that I could have the Holy Ghost with me. The Savior said to the Nephites regarding partaking of the sacrament: “And if ye shall always do these things blessed are ye, for ye are built upon my rock.”11 If you do not, He said, then you “are not built upon my rock, but are built upon a sandy foundation; and when the rain descends, and the floods come, and the winds blow, and beat upon [you], [you] shall fall.”12 Remember that He said when rain, wind, and floods come, not if. They come, and they come to all of us. But if we have partaken of the sacrament conscientiously and worthily, then the blessings come so that we won’t fall.
An added insight about the sacrament comes from President Nelson’s remarks at the mission leadership seminar in June 2019. After partaking of the sacrament, President Nelson said:
I made a covenant as I partook of the sacrament that I would be willing to take upon me the name of Jesus Christ and . . . to obey His commandments. Often, I hear the expression that we partake of the sacrament to renew covenants made at baptism. While that’s true, it’s much more than that. I’ve made a new covenant. You have made new covenants.13
If we approach the sacrament with a broken heart and contrite spirit, the way we expect a new convert to approach baptism, God renews the blessings of baptism for us, including the cleansing effect.14
In the mission leadership seminar, after talking about making new covenants through the partaking of the sacrament, President Nelson continued: “Now in return for which [God] makes the statement that we will always have His Spirit to be with us. What a blessing!”15
This is the three-part prescription for dysfunctional receptors for God’s love: repentance, scripture study, and partaking of the sacrament to have the Holy Ghost with us. If we do not address this dysfunction early on, we will end up “past feeling.”16 And that is spiritually fatal.
Addressing our dysfunctional receptors for God’s love restores power, stability, and direction in our lives. The prognosis when this receptor dysfunction is treated is excellent.
Give yourself an early Christmas present and get off the couch, like I did that Sunday afternoon long ago. Make sure your receptors for God’s love are fully functional. Then, as you continue doing those personal, private acts of devotion, you won’t slip back into receptor dysfunction. I know that Jesus Christ “has all power to save every[one] that believeth on his name and bringeth forth fruit meet for repentance.”17 I know that our Heavenly Father’s message to us is this:
If ye will repent, and harden not your hearts, then will I have mercy upon you, through mine Only Begotten Son;
Therefore, whosoever repenteth, and hardeneth not his heart, he shall have claim on mercy through mine Only Begotten Son, unto a remission of his sins; and these shall enter into my rest.18
This is my prayer for all of us. I pray that God will watch over and bless you and help you throughout this Christmas season and throughout your lives, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
© by Intellectual Reserve, Inc. All rights reserved.
Notes
1. Romans 8:35, 38–39.\2. Mormon 5:16–18.\3. D&C 20:32–34.\4. Alma 60:21.\5. See James 2:17–20.\6. Russell M. Nelson, “Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives,” Ensign, May 2018.\7. Russell M. Nelson, “We Can Do Better and Be Better,” Ensign, May 2019.\8. Nelson, “Revelation for the Church.”\9. Russell M. Nelson, “Come, Follow Me,” Ensign, May 2019.
10. 2 Timothy 3:15–16.\11. 3 Nephi 18:12.\12. 3 Nephi 18:13.\13. Russell M. Nelson, mission leadership seminar, June 2019; quoted in Dale G. Renlund, “Unwavering Commitment to Jesus Christ,” Ensign, November 2019.
14. “Church members are commanded to gather together often to partake of the sacrament to remember the Savior always and to renew the covenants and blessings of baptism” (Handbook 2: Administering the Church [Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2010], 2.1.2 [p. 9]; emphasis added); see also Dallin H. Oaks, “The Aaronic Priesthood and the Sacrament,” Ensign, November 1998.
15. Nelson, mission leadership seminar; quoted in Renlund, “Unwavering.”
16. 1 Nephi 17:45.\17. Alma 12:15.\18. Alma 12:33–34.
Infinite & Intimate
So Have I ever felt his love? Even though I whine and complain about not feeling the spirit very well and having a broken receiver/receptors. . . Surely there could be a time when I felt God’s love. I wrote this in my journal yesterday. I gradually felt overwhelmed by his love during my 5 years of therapy with Mark Clayton. It gave me the power to break my sexual addiction. There have been a few other times in my life while trying to sing the hymns in sacrament meeting when I have been so overwhelmed I couldn’t even sing and tears flowed down my face. Getting permission to partake of the sacrament again. Housing Adrian as he recuperated from his 7 bypass heart surgery. So I need to remember those special occasions. And like David A Bednar told the MTC, “Press forward being a good boy or girl.” @ He was so funny in that address: “Did I know when I gave BKP that 20-mark note that the spirit was guiding me? No. I just thought they might need some food.”
BKP-All of this comes to this point: the elder who handed me the 20-mark note was David A. Bednar, a young elder serving in the South German Mission, who is now a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.\So why was it that this young elder from San Leandro, California, handed me the 20-mark note? If you understand that and understand what life is about, you will understand really all you need to know about life as members of the Church. You will understand how our lives are really not our own. They are governed—and if we live as we should live, then we will be taken care of. I do not think he knew the consequences of what he was doing. That 20-mark note was worth six dollars, and six dollars to an elder is quite a bit!
