*This is the second time I have posted this letter. I dictated it through Dragon speak then posted it at the bottom of the "Valentine's Day" entry.
If you don't like the font you can change it. :)
Hey Britner, Sunday 3/29/20
Here comes the longest personal letter you have ever received! When I can't sleep at night I often listen to GC talks. This week I am in 2015. This is my 3rd time through them in the last 7 years since I retired. That first year, when I was bereft and lost and trying to find my way, highlighting and listening over and over again was the only major good thing/accomplishment I made in my life. It was like I was lost and grieving. Plus, since I fight PTSD, anxiety and depression I was really spiraling downward. I have a trust issue. The 15 men I trust are the apostles.
Gayelinn lives your life with you. What an empathetic mother! I wish I had one like that. She wants your closing year of HS to be special but here we are in disease isolation! She is so cute as she shares with me about you.
So as I heard this talk, back to back with his one from the previous night in priesthood meeting I couldn't help but think: “who can I share this with? It is so potent and rich there must be someone who can enjoy it as much as I am.” You came to mind. I like to comment along the way. [I will put my comments in brackets like this.] Don't feel a need to get through the whole thing right now. Just read as much as it takes to get full. Save the rest for later. I sent you an email this week of my stake's challenge letter and asked if that was as much as you were planning on memorizing. I know Gayelinn has challenged you to Memorize the first vision. It took me a year to memorize the discussions back in '74. I am not good at memorizing. How about you?
You vmailed me about your disappointment with the prom being cancelled. :( You also mentioned the great attitude the Chick-fil A out-front workers have. I got a free coupon once so I went there. It was a novel experience. The cow advertizements are hilarious. 4 years ago our FS directors used to buy a big lunch party tray for all the workers from Chick Fil A. They were very generous with their money. And they confessed that Chick Fil A gave them a fantastic deal. They closed on Sundays and I even got the feeling the managers were LDS.
Chick-fil-A
2.4 mi · 15 S River Rd Ste 500 · In Red Rock Commons
Closed ⋅ Opens 6:30AM Mon · (435) 656-4655 [it is Sunday. Notice the closed!]
Chick-fil-A
2.2 mi · Gardner Center, 225 S 700 E
(435) 652-7685 [looks like we have one on the DSU campus too.]
Not created by Chick-fil-A, . . .Did that make you smile? I just came across it on accident.
Brothers and sisters, how good it is to be with you once again. As you know, since we were together in April, we have been saddened by the loss of three of our beloved Apostles: President Boyd K. Packer, Elder L. Tom Perry, and Elder Richard G. Scott. They have returned to their heavenly home. [Really? A heavenly home? v- absolutely.] We miss them. How grateful we are for their examples of Christlike love and for the inspired teachings they have left to all of us. [BKP was tied for 1st place in my book. LTP was a marine through and through. RGS sounded like a therapist, man did he understand human nature.]
We extend a heartfelt welcome to our newest Apostles, Elder Ronald A. Rasband, Elder Gary E. Stevenson, and Elder Dale G. Renlund. These are men dedicated to the work of the Lord. They are well qualified to fill the important positions to which they have been called. [RAR is tied for 1st again. I don't yet trust him like I did BKP but he converted me when he shared his experience of assigning missionaries with HBEyring.]
Recently, as I have been reading and pondering the scriptures, two passages in particular have stayed with me. Both are familiar to us. The first is from the Sermon on the Mount: “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”1 The second scripture is one which came to my mind as I pondered the meaning of the first. It is from the Apostle Paul’s Epistle to Timothy: “Be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.”2
I believe the second scripture explains, in great part, how we can accomplish the first. We become examples of the believers by living the gospel of Jesus Christ in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, and in purity. As we do so, our lights will shine for others to see.
Each of us came to earth having been given the Light of Christ. [I absolutely love the idea of the premortal existence.] As we follow the example of the Savior and live as He lived and as He taught, that light will burn within us and will light the way for others. [Be a light and not a judge.]
The Apostle Paul lists six attributes of a believer, attributes that will allow our lights to shine. Let us look at each one.
I mention the first two attributes together—being an example in word and in conversation. The words we use can lift and inspire, or they can harm and demean. In the world today there is a profusion of profanity with which we seem to be surrounded at nearly every turn. [Isn't it wonderful that there are some words that you and I never ever use! I believe that those words show a defiance, a rebellion against God. And man has Satan gotten that addiction twisted into some men's minds.] It is difficult to avoid hearing the names of Deity being used casually and thoughtlessly. Coarse comments seem to have become a staple of television, movies, books, and music. Bandied about are slanderous remarks and angry rhetoric. Let us speak to others with love and respect, ever keeping our language clean and avoiding words or comments that would wound or offend. May we follow the example of the Savior, who spoke with tolerance and kindness throughout His ministry. [almost. Except when he felt protective.]
The next attribute mentioned by Paul is charity, which has been defined as “the pure love of Christ.”3 I am confident there are within our sphere of influence those who are lonely, those who are ill, and those who feel discouraged. Ours is the opportunity to help them and to lift their spirits. [I get the feeling you have been a light and a support and a safe strength for your girl friend to lean on. And talk about admiration! How could her father show his adoration of you more than he did last Christmas!] The Savior brought hope to the hopeless and strength to the weak. He healed the sick; He caused the lame to walk, the blind to see, the deaf to hear. He even raised the dead to life. Throughout His ministry He reached out in charity to any in need. As we emulate His example, we will bless lives, including our own. [My live is empty without charity and service to others, including God.]
Next, we are to be an example in spirit. To me that means we strive to have in our lives kindness, gratitude, forgiveness, and goodwill. These qualities will provide for us a spirit which will touch the lives of those around us. It has been my opportunity through the years to associate with countless individuals who possess such a spirit. We experience a special feeling when we are with them, a feeling that makes us want to associate with them and to follow their example. They radiate the Light of Christ and help us feel His love for us. [We feel safe with them. And for G & I that is humongous.]
To illustrate that the light which comes from a pure and loving spirit is recognized by others, I share with you an experience of many years ago. [I absolutely love this next story!]
At that time, leaders of the Church met with officials in Jerusalem to work out a lease agreement for land on which the Church’s Jerusalem Center would be built. In order to obtain the permissions needed, the Church had to agree that no proselyting would be undertaken by our members who would occupy the center. After that agreement had been made, one of the Israeli officials, who was well acquainted with the Church and its members, remarked that he knew the Church would honor the no-proselyting agreement. “But,” he said, referring to the students who would attend there, “what are we going to do about the light that is in their eyes?”4 May that special light ever shine within us, that it might be recognized and appreciated by others. [Have you ever noticed how some people can smile at you and look right in your eyes? Yep, it shows!]
To be an example of faith means that we trust in the Lord and in His word. It means that we possess and that we nourish the beliefs that will guide our thoughts and our actions. Our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and in our Heavenly Father will influence all that we do. Amidst the confusion of our age, the conflicts of conscience, and the turmoil of daily living, an abiding faith becomes an anchor to our lives. Remember that faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other. I reiterate what we have been told repeatedly—that in order to gain and to keep the faith we need, it is essential that we read and study and ponder the scriptures. Communication with our Heavenly Father through prayer is vital. We cannot afford to neglect these things, for the adversary and his hosts are relentlessly seeking for a chink in our armor, a lapse in our faithfulness. Said the Lord, “Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good.”5
Finally, we are to be pure, which means that we are clean in body, mind, and spirit. We know that our body is a temple, to be treated with reverence and respect. [Satan doesn't have one.] Our minds should be filled with uplifting and ennobling thoughts and kept free from those things which will pollute. In order to have the Holy Ghost as our constant companion, we must be worthy. Brothers and sisters, purity will bring us peace of mind and will qualify us to receive the Savior’s promises. Said He, “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.”6 [yep, there is was!]
As we prove to be examples in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, and in purity, we will qualify to be lights to the world.
May I say to all of you, and particularly to you young people, that as the world moves further and further away from the principles and guidelines given to us by a loving Heavenly Father, we will stand out from the crowd because we are different. We will stand out because we dress modestly. We will be different because we do not use profanity and because we do not partake of substances which are harmful to our bodies. We will be different because we avoid off-color humor and degrading remarks. We will be different as we decide not to fill our minds with media choices that are base and demeaning and that will remove the Spirit from our homes and our lives. We will certainly stand out as we make choices regarding morality—choices which adhere to gospel principles and standards. Those things which make us different from most of the world also provide us with that light and that spirit which will shine in an increasingly dark world.
It is often difficult to be different and to stand alone in a crowd. It is natural to fear what others might think or say. Comforting are the words of the psalm: “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?”7 As we make Christ the center of our lives, our fears will be replaced by the courage of our convictions.
Life is perfect for none of us, and at times the challenges and difficulties we face may become overwhelming, causing our light to dim. [He knows it. Can you hear the understanding and gentleness is his words? I know of 3 major challenges and difficulties in your life Britner. You probably even know of many more of the lesser ones. Your genes, your father, & your mother's imperfections. I am the same, only moreso. It took G & I decades to realize we are walking wounded.] However, with help from our Heavenly Father, coupled with support from others, we can regain that light which will illuminate our own path once again and provide the light others may need.
To illustrate, I share with you the touching words of a favorite poem I first read many years ago:
I met a stranger in the night
Whose lamp had ceased to shine.
I paused and let him light
His lamp from mine.
A tempest sprang up later on
And shook the world about.
And when the wind was gone
My lamp was out!
But back to me the stranger came—
His lamp was glowing fine!
He held the precious flame
And lighted mine!8
My brothers and sisters, our opportunities to shine surround us each day, in whatever circumstance we find ourselves. As we follow the example of the Savior, ours will be the opportunity to be a light in the lives of others, whether they be our own family members and friends, our co-workers, mere acquaintances, or total strangers.
To each of you, I say that you are a son or daughter of our Heavenly Father. You have come from His presence to live on this earth for a season, to reflect the Savior’s love and teachings, and to bravely let your light shine for all to see. When that season on earth has ended, if you have done your part, yours will be the glorious blessing of returning to live with Him forever. [Man if we could only believe and know this! In the meantime, just pretend and act like it. :) ]
How reassuring are the Savior’s words: “I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.”9 Of Him I testify. He is our Savior and Redeemer, our Advocate with the Father. He is our Exemplar and our strength. He is “the light which shineth in darkness.”10 That each of us within the sound of my voice may pledge to follow Him, thus becoming a shining light to the world, is my prayer in His holy name, even Jesus Christ the Lord, amen.
Post comments: ( I did not want to interrupt the flow. )
I believe the second scripture explains, in great part, how we can accomplish the first. We become examples of the believers by living the gospel of Jesus Christ in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, and in purity. [Last year I memorized the beatitudes as found in the BoM. I was fascinated that one of them invites us to see God! Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God. Being pure in heart is a life long challenge for me.] A page essay could be written about each of those aspects: co, ch, sp, fa, pu. Such a concentration of wisdom is time consuming to comprehend. Let's just skim for now. :)
To be an example of faith means that we trust in the Lord and in His word. It means that we possess and that we nourish the beliefs that will guide our thoughts and our actions. [There is my word TRUST again! Remember how I said I only trust the 15 apostles. And then notice how he used the word nourish. How do you nourish your beliefs? I have things I have memorized that I recite to ease my mind and remind me of my goals and beliefs. But that is just one way. I can think of 5 more. How about you?]
an abiding faith becomes an anchor to our lives. [My patriarchal blessing tells me I will be an anchor to my family. I turn 65 this year. It is becoming truer and truer. I always wondered how but now I think I understand.]
-faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time [In his next sentences he seems to say otherwise. Personally I think it is a continuum. With faith on one side and doubt on the other.
Faith- - - - - - - - - - X - - - - - - - - - -Doubt
Maybe perfect faith or doubt can't exist in the same mind at the same time! But perfect faith would be knowledge. As would perfect doubt. I don't know. This confuses me.]
Communication with our Heavenly Father through prayer is vital. [Did you notice the c word? Most of us turn away when we sin. We feel ashamed. We don't want to communicate. Like Huck Finn says, “you can't pray a lie.” Like James says: “with real intent”. I am alone Britner. I talk to HF all the time. I pretend he is my best friend. I pretend he is my best cheerleader. And sometimes I actually feel it.]
-for the adversary and his hosts [I ignored these guys for my 20's and 30's. I still do. But the war goes on. They are very real. The prophet says so! And the BoM has some antichrists that are perfect examples of exposing the adversary's teachings. That is one of the strengths of the BoM.]
purity will bring us peace of mind and will qualify us to receive the Savior’s promises. Said He, “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.”6 [yep, there is was!]
We will be different as we decide not to fill our minds with media choices that are base and demeaning and that will remove the Spirit from our homes and our lives. [I love Science Fiction. Sometimes stuff is off color in science fiction. Does that mean I don't read SF? Nope. Eventually when I am in the next life I may quit. But we don't have to be perfect right now. We are here to live and learn. Perhaps those children who die before the age of 8 and inherit the celestial kingdom are already perfect in that way. But until I am celestial in my mind I don't have to give up pleasureful things in this life. HF will ease me into perfection. He is not demanding it right now. In fact, he wants us to be turned to him and dependent on him and JC. It might sound crazy but he sent us here because we needed to sin. We needed to learn the good from the bad, by choice/ agency.
So what am I really saying? When we try we progress. We don't have to accomplish extreme things. He will take our reasonably best efforts.]
As we make Christ the center of our lives, our fears will be replaced by the courage of our convictions. [Powerful! Powerful! That is how it works.]
“I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.” [This is the way we have purpose in our lives. This is the way that G & I have purpose and understanding in our lives.]
Personal story:
I did not feel enough love at home. I sought it out at school. From kindergarten on I so wanted to be accepted and loved. I could tell you 10 different ways I tried. But let's skip to my senior year. I had gone to many monthly tristake dances. I so wanted to find a girl friend. But by the same token, I knew that kisses were special. My dad had said he did not kiss my mother until they were engaged. Woah! What a standard!
Even though I played tons of kissing tag in kindergarten and first grade I figured those were not the kind of kisses my father was talking about. (By the way, Mom lived in Toronto, Canada and Dad sent her engagement ring in the mail.)
I had written love notes in elementary and the ones I wrote in Jr. High sometimes had lingering consequences even into HS!
Since my buddy Glenn had kissed an auburn haired loose girl I figured I could try her too. She got impatient. It took me hours at her house to get up the courage and lots of talk. She then said, “you're not planning on just a flat kiss are you? That's not worth anything. You need to french.” Yep, my first teenage kiss was a french kiss. . .
What a terrible first step! (BTW, as you probably know I am a risk taker.) But I was off and running. I was an expert. I had french kissed!
I tried to dress cool. I tried to have my hair cool. Even though I was straight/ square and took great pride in knowing the scriptures I wanted to be a “catch” and to catch someone else.
The apostles tell us to do group activities as teens. Group dating and so on. No way! For me it was one on one. I needed that relationship richness and loyalty.
Mom was a brunet. I wanted blonde. I got in with a tall pretty blonde in my ward and school. She moved in so there was no history.
Jeanine S was steady #1
Susan S was steady #2
Shauna C was steady #3 . . . was this dream come true. So how does all this dating and relationship stuff work anyway? I didn't know. And I had no one I trusted that knew. A d v e n t u r e ! I admit, I gave Shauna my heart. We spent as many hours together as we could. After dates we necked on her back porch. After all I was a kissing expert!
My dad picked me'55 and Brent'57 up after school each day and had us help him painting. He paid us well. I had missed all the deadlines for getting into BYU but dad heard that they were opening for summer term. I had money to pay my way from painting. I commuted that first term with 3 teachers going down each day from Sandy. They were the most interesting people. English teacher, Brother Ash from my ward had taken a special interest in me. He became a vice-principal and was a new move in and served as a counselor in the bishopric.
I wasn't all the way there Britner. My world view was all distorted and paranoid. In fact my dad moved us to Dietrich, Idaho the next year to avoid the “crash”, so we could raise our own food. While on my mission they moved to Saint George because the only ones that were affected by the crash was us! He needed painting work. None in Dietrich. My brother and I invested in silver bars that we drilled a hole in the basement floor and installed a safe to hide them in. That was the mentality of my family. And that is only one physical evidence of the craziness in our minds. No trust!
Well, since I knew the ropes of registering after having done it for summer term, and since Shauna wanted to be a nurse and I a veterinarian we had similar beginning classes to take. I pulled two cards for us for English, Chemistry, Religion and perhaps other classes that fall. We now spent every day together and most of our classes. I still didn't know how to make my mind work. I tried to study but what is studying? (I got a D in genealogy that summer and a C in Spanish 201) She got a C in Chemistry that fall and after we wrote our English papers she would type them. I couldn't type worth a darn. It was a disaster. She and our buddy Jared Dunn ran out of money and went home at the end of fall semester. I at least had money so I was lonely and lost winter semester. But I was dedicated to the Lord. I took a volunteer BoM class that semester from my same teacher, while I took a missionary prep class from Eldon Ricks
Guess what happened to Shauna and Jared? Yep, they started dating! And they kept it secret. . . I was far away in Provo, long distant phone calls were too expensive. Little did I know but I was losing my steady.
She didn't want to kiss anymore after I drove clear up to Sandy and back to take her to a BYU dance. What? Has something changed. She was my spiritual perfect match! Bosom buddy. Soulmate!
Of course I felt guilty about all the necking we had done and I went to the bishop to repent, and encouraged her to do the same. (that bishop's visit was an experience in itself. Ask me to share sometime.)
While I was commuting to BYU in the summer with those 3 teachers Shauna and her mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday. July 16. I told them a portrait of Shauna. And that is what I got! A full page portrait!
Jared was called to the Guatemala/El Salvador mission. And off he went. After winter semester I went to my new home on the farm in Dietrich, Idaho. Population 88.
I traveled to a Tupperware factory in Jerome, Idaho to work since there wasn't enough painting. Hagerman is where my next girlfriend lived.
Merilee Ellis steady #4
She was the cutest girl at the dances and young adult activities. I was so heartbroken with my loss of Shauna that I prayed to HF to please send me a replacement so I could heal my broken heart.
Can you see Jerome halfway between Dietrich and Hagerman? Twin Falls at the bottom was the nearest big city.
In fact, it wasn't until Shauna got married that it really sank in that we would not be an eternal couple. She married Merlin who was tall and played basketball with us from another ward on Saturday early morning at the church, but that we thought was a dork. [evidently we were wrong.]
HF answered my prayer. But my heart wasn't all the way sold on Merilee like it still was on Shauna. HF knew that with my disabilities and broken past I needed a female partner. He helped me. Merilee and her mother came to see me off in SLC when I entered the mission home. And I wrote her diligently 'til she married as well.
Sidelight: Brunet Merilee turned her head the first time I tried to kiss her. I got her cheek. I wondered if she learned that from her mother or what. It did not stop my pursuing her. Next, I wouldn't kiss or hug Merilee at the mission home to say goodbye. But her mother insisted I hug her. I was a missionary, and I was taking it seriously.
In my heartache but righteousness I sent Elder Jared Dunn the portrait all the way in/ to El Salvador. (I so wanted to be righteous and do the right thing.) Low and behold I left for Guatemala in November! The same mission! And stories came back to me about Elder Dunn's beautiful girlfriend. I was able to tell them that I had given him the portrait of Shauna.
By the way Jared and Shauna had eventually confessed that they were going steady. No wonder Shauna did not want to kiss. Perhaps that is evidence of her sense of loyalty. Jared had said that a girl had ruined his relationship with a guy in the past and that if it was going to ruin our friendship he would give Shauna up. I would sleep over at Jared's when I went to Sandy to visit Shauna. Pretty convoluted huh! Well, that is how relationships are sometimes.
Elder Dunn and I only crossed paths a couple of times in the mission field, but we did room together again after our missions.
Confession:
I was the oldest in my family. I was the biggest. When mom and dad were gone and I was baby sitting I was not always the nicest. We had a pecking order and I wanted to be on top. That characteristic extended into my boy girl relationships. Sometimes I would have my arm around Shauna's shoulder and then trip her with my leg. Familiarity breeds contempt? Perhaps. Yes, I apologized and repented but sometimes it just popped out again. So mean! I hate meanness/cruelty. But I was at times.
So, there is a good portion of my story of life at your age. You have some huge immersions coming up. You will be immersed into the world of adults and totally in charge of yourself. You will be immersed in gaining a profession.
I never dared to ask the hard questions of anyone I admired and trusted. It wasn't until my 5 years of therapy with Mark Clayton that I experienced that novel, wonderful experience. Truly listening and accepting someone like he offered me took me years to get used to. I felt judged and lacking or adequate until then. One or the other. And I hated being found wanting!
I am so glad that you know about support groups and people that can accept and offer assistance/ a helping hand. Being inadequate in one area or another does not make us invaluable. And if we accept our drawbacks it can make us humble and worthy of God's help.
OK, I promised you the longest personal letter you have ever received. Did I win?
I love you Britner.
You are so kind and faithful and caring in so many ways.
You are also a nerd. :)
God bless you,
Uncle Vern
Louis says he is on furlough for the month of May. His kids did their homework even in Warner Valley. Worldmark won’t have many vacationers in Saint George and he sells timeshares.
That is TawnaB my ward’s RS president on the left. What follows are perfect instructions for joining the team! Do you remember how my bishop had the YM and YW compete the last 2 weeks before General Conference? Well, now the RS is doing it! I am so excited. This is my baby, bmx, I am the master indexer in my ward.
