Lusty Men

Sunday, 9 November 2014, 2:24pm

Church ended at 1, choir practice just now and while I am charged with energy I am going to write.

Pinocchio went with us down to the golf course pond today. He was fascinated with all the other dogs jumping in and out of the water and shaking themselves off. I went to a place where the bank was low enough that I knew he could climb out but not matter his fascination he didn't quite dare to jump down and touch the water. The heels of my boots were tall enough to keep my feet dry so I sat on the shore and eventually got impatient enough to pick him up and set him in less than and inch depth. He sniffed around and then climbed out. Good enough for a 9 week old puppy. I'm curious about how the future will progress. It is so fun to see a new world through a puppies eyes.

I was emotionally uncomfortable as I lay in bed before reading the New Testament last night. Time to ponder and figure out where it was coming from. I had gone to Iceberg with Gravr Morgan and Bynn. Two guys who also index and family research at the FRL. We have seen each other for weeks and months and Grave is quite friendly and we had joked and talked and sat together for his dinner/snack break. I invited him to the singles BoM class held at 7 on Thursday nights. Erin, one of the teachers had written and email reminding us to bring a friend so I invited. Grave eventually made up his  mind to go and he enjoyed it and was impressed with the family-and-learning feeling he felt while there. I had warned him that I participate. He topped me/trumped me by saying he mantras before church with "keep your mouth shut", over and over again.

We ate at Pizza factory afterwards. (He ate, I visited) I had explained my allergies. So we had more than two hours together that night and another last night. At the FRL as he tells me about this cute girl and that as they come in and work I feel distinctly uncomfortable. This is a man who believes he had a vision in his 30's and owns every collectible LDS book he can get his hands on. He quotes the Journal of Discourses, Hugh Nibley and Cleon Skousen. As I have tried to follow up on some of those quotes he isn't sure where they are. He flirts with every age girl he can and encouraged me to go help a sister with long eyelashes with Italian as the FRL closed Friday night. "Italians are naturally well equipped" he said at my demure.

I compared the way I feel around he and Bynn with the way I feel with Jerry Burgie and Justin Salmon and it is low class. I don't lust after the women and comment on anything worth looking at. : (

It is so foreign to me. Before my mission I trained myself to look only at their faces on BYU campus. That ended after my mission. And there are women in the ward who I admire for their beauty and I even tell them on occasion. On the day I had to walk home because my bike had been hit, I had daringly whispered in Sister Witwer's ear as she helped ladies on both sides of her, "You sure are fun to look at. You are so pretty." and she had responded, you sure are nice in a big loud voice. I floated home on that long long walk in my sandals having left after giving that compliment.

I even had Sister Gyneth Thompson deliver my phone number to the Indexing Chairman because I didn't dare a couple of months ago. btw, I sat by her this week and repeated the story to the I C this week. She explained how driven she is. She indexes 10K names a month! She focuses on that and perceives nothing else around her. I reassured her that is good and she contested.

Grave thought Amy the elementary school teacher, who answers all the hard BoM questions in our class, was a real prize. He wanted to know everyone's background and how much baggage they had. In fact he made a huge joke about how the prettiest ones at the church singles dances are the ones with the most baggage, so they can't even fit through a door. : (

btw, when I asked Gyneth if she had delivered my note to IC she started looking around at here stuff and said, I don't think so, I think I have it around here somewhere. . .   So funny and so cute. She doesn't even remember.

So here I thought healthy, spiritual, testimony filled people would be found at the Family Research Library, my experience with Grave and Bynn is proving, not so.  I can't quite understand it yet. Still processing.  They were ripping on Sister Carlson last night. Bynn can't stand how she nit picks and contests everything with her husband and Grave had her react very strongly to his touching her as he walked by. He was a little chagrined at labeling her a b i t c h during our meal and visit at Iceberg.

I don't quite get it. How can people (Grave) feel so chosen and worthy and righteous and spiritually sensitive, and yet be so crass?

6:04 continued

Wonder of wonder, miracles of miracles, ScottS and JackieS interrupted me to play with Pinocchio and mothers. They were here for at least two hours. Jackie got her license on her 16th birthday. She did not delay. She is a Laurel now. Can you imagine playing with an old man's dogs for two hours? She loves her dog Aurora and walks her all the time since she doesn't want her to be bored. So cute. Scott came out of his shell. If you are willing to listen he is willing to talk. So fun. He knows all disney movies by heart. He has read Diary of a Whimpy Kid 6 times and knows which volume every situation/story took place in. He is proud of being able to quote all the Disney movies. I watched Aladin a couple of time last night in Honor of Robin Williams. VHS

Onward and upward.  I'm tired.

Why isn't that old man riding his bike?

1:54pm I took off on my bike to the FRL-family research library both Wednesday and Thursday morning. Thursday I ended up walking in my uncomfortable sandals. I decided to hitchhike since time was short and my feet were sore on my way home when I reached the Virgin River bridge. Before 100 cars had gone by I got a lift to the Red Sands Market/Mr. D's. I was only 5 minutes late to my BoM class at 7pm.

North, across from our post office is a senior subdivision called South Field. Just south of Grace's Episcopal Church and soup kitchen. I was almost past an old lady who didn't stop at her intersection and was pulling down her window visor when she collided with my back tire and twisted it. When she rolled down her window I couldn't help but ask, "Can't you see?"!!!

My bike is at the repair shop, Bicycles Unlimited. Nate wrote up the work invoice, and should be done by Wednesday. I will have to use the spare. I told him to fix everything, no estimate needed, JoAnn Wallop (Wallace) would pay. I tightened my sandals for my walk home. It took an hour from FRL to South Field estates. My calves and feet are a bit stiff/sore today. (641-7721JW)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Louis has a friend who took the 3 female Puppies Monday. Good bye Thumbelina, Snow White, and Maleficent. But surprise, surprise Christian Linares' mother brought back Pinocchio the next day. Christian didn't dare. His heart is dashed. His girlfriend gave him up. Her mother wouldn't let her keep the puppy. He didn't even come over for two weeks after he asked me for the puppy. He said he figured he would just come when he could take it. He was out to impress, not express. So Isabel did not have to stop nursing all at once. And Pinocchio loves being her only ward. A week without milk and he was so happy!  And I am super happy too because I get to play a little longer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SO WHY WASN'T THE OLD MAN RIDING HIS BIKE? Because the back wheel would not go around. And after one block I discovered it was easier to guide it from the back than lifting the back wheel and guide it from the front.  After 4 blocks in sandals I decided to hide it at the soccer house on 10th east (she's my old TIS librarian) but a nice walker lady had gone home and gotten her van and drove us to Bicycles Unlimited. I was maxed out so it was very appreciated. As we parted I said, God bless you.

I had a productive day at the FRC. I even whispered a compliment in Sister Wittwer's ear. You are so fun to look at. You are so pretty. She was helping two sisters at once so I didn't want them to hear. She gushed, you are so nice.

So on my way home I had something uplifting to think about. Adventure Bill has another Adventure!

vern venting. . .8/4/14 Exchanges

12:16p   Monday, ~August 4, 2014

I have a goal of cleaning off the kitchen table for the first time since March, when I got ready to do taxes. So I am doing all kinds of things that are less odiferous/ odoriferous.

I am really happy inside. I wasn't when I woke up. Miserable pleading dreams with me at my wits end about how to raise all my kids without a wife, and pets everwhere-jumping on me (big lizards and treefrogs) and my back yard turned into a stationed exercise rotation. Tears and nakedness and everything.

I changed the water in the 99 g tank. That moved all the 5 g buckets around the kitchen table so I could get to it. I moved 2 albino oscars to new outside bins with tadpoles for them to eat. Fished the almond husks out of the 150 g pond. Changed the water in a bin for a female sword birthing tank. Discovered the water still on with the sprinkler facing down. Luckily it watered a section of the back lawn that really needed it.  Huge area. Texted Pandra that my tax return money has been deposited and she offered me some laundry detergent buckets, yes. Texted Sim Young for the third time about the mat/flat black pickup parked out front regularly. Made a folder for 4th year Birthday book I made for grandkids yesterday. And just wrote Shelley.

fasting

vern jensen <phonev6@gmail.com>	12:16 PM (11 minutes ago)
to Shelley

Morning Shelley,

I think you like talking better than writing but it gives me a chance to put my thoughts together.

My young ~35yo bishop (2nd time/stint serving) bore a 4 minute testimony to start off the meeting yesterday. Then there were 3 sisters then me. 4/7 months so far this year. I kept myself from testimonying during June and July.  When I read and listen to as many scriptures and conference talks as I do and write in my journal about spiritual insights, and having taught 33 years I almost always have something to say. And I had 5+ people tell me thank you through the rest of the meetings. Sister Stead our ward and stake choir leader says that as well. "You always have something meaningful to say." Thank you, thank you.

My daughter in law Amity'85 6'2" and a blonde bombshell, has deep seated emotional issues and is on meds and sees our psychotherapist weekly and more. She got up her courage and had a conflict with me about my AdventureBill Blog because it mentioned her. We have each sent 2 emails back and forth but I think she is scared off and won't approach it any more.  It is super, super hard for her to face conflict but conflict is inevitable.  She has apologized a few times in the last 5 years (married 12/7/13) for isolating me admitting that she has transference problems with her parents. She transfers her feelings towards her parents to me.  They came and walked with me the last two Sunday nights in my park but not last night.  She is working as a night custodian at the InstaCare building by the hospital and an associate at PetSmart. 36 hours a week.

Rod has learned to treat her with kid gloves and since they both have emotional issues when one drops off the planet the other one takes over. Last time we walked I learned that the insurance they are paying for is less than the Sark Clayton therapist visits they use each month. Sark is $125/hour unless through Church Social services and then it is just 100$. He has been the stable, secure, lds tether for my family. My parents degraded psychotherapists and labeled them Shrinks derogatorally. Little did I know why. They did not want the truth about their nefarious deeds to come out. They lived double lives. Active Church members and criminals.  : (  They were excommunicated in '90. And moved to Kooskia, Idaho to avoid the law, again.

So my writing inmates is not very far from where my parents should have been.  Interesting huh?

Anyway in the Bishop's testimony he mentioned he ate dinner with the teacher's quorum advisor's family at 8 pm the night before and said to himself, darn, tomorrow is Fast Sunday. Guess I'll have to fast a little later. I was in the same boat. So after I woke from my evening nap at 10pm I Facebooked and Emailed and Ldss.com-ed as long as I could keep my eyes open and then read the scripture in bed while eating.  Guess how I broke my fast? Giuceescsr heoawm Ip borpockoer mny fast? No easy to read answer on that one. I love codes! If you take out the letters for "Guess how I broke my fast?" what is left is my answer.  2 items.

We had good thunderstorms all night. Our stake was fasting for rain again yesterday.

Thanks for letting me bend your ear/eyes. I have saved the story of my 4 year old granddaughter's birthday presents. (3)

==========================================================

Did you notice these differences in our communication last week Marrissa? I did.

vern jensen <phonev6@gmail.com>	2:40 PM (0 minutes ago)
to Marrissa, Cichael Monday, 2:42p 7/4/14

The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness

Richard G. Scott, October 1996 General Conference

"The scriptures record, “And I, God, created man …; male and female created I them.” 1 This was done spiritually in your premortal existence when you lived in the presence of your Father in Heaven. Your gender existed before you came to earth."

The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness

Richard G. Scott, October 1996 General Conference

"You elected to have this earth experience as part of His plan for you. The prophets call it “the plan of mercy,” 2 the “eternal plan of deliverance,” 3 “the plan of salvation,” 4 and, yes, “the great plan of happiness.” 5 You were taught this plan before you came to earth and there rejoiced in the privilege of participating in it."

The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness

Richard G. Scott, October 1996 General Conference

"Satan also has a plan. It is a cunning, evil, subtle plan of destruction."

The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness

Richard G. Scott, October 1996 General Conference

"Our Heavenly Father endowed His sons and daughters with unique traits especially fitted for their individual responsibilities as they fulfill His plan."

The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness

Richard G. Scott, October 1996 General Conference

"To follow His plan requires that you do those things He expects of you as a son or daughter, husband or wife. Those roles are different but entirely compatible."

The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness

Richard G. Scott, October 1996 General Conference

"In the Lord’s plan, it takes two—a man and a woman—to form a whole."

The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness

Richard G. Scott, October 1996 General Conference

"Indeed, a husband and wife are not two identical halves, but a wondrous, divinely determined combination of complementary capacities and characteristics."

The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness

Richard G. Scott, October 1996 General Conference

"Marriage allows these different characteristics to come together in oneness—in unity—to bless a husband and wife, their children and grandchildren."

The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness

Richard G. Scott, October 1996 General Conference

"For the greatest happiness and productivity in life, both husband and wife are needed."

The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness

Richard G. Scott, October 1996 General Conference

"Each has individual traits that best fit the role the Lord has defined for happiness as a man or woman."

The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness

Richard G. Scott, October 1996 General Conference

"When used as the Lord intends, those capacities allow a married couple to think, act, and rejoice as one—to face challenges together and overcome them as one, to grow in love and understanding, and through temple ordinances to be bound together as one whole, eternally. That is the plan."

The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness

Richard G. Scott, October 1996 General Conference

"To Adam He said, “Hast thou eaten of the tree whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldst not eat?” 9 Now, Adam’s response was characteristic of a man who wants to be perceived as being as close to right as possible. ***[The congregation burst out in laughter at this point!}***vj Adam responded, “The woman thou gavest me, and commandest that she should remain with me, she gave me of the fruit of the tree and I did eat.” 10 And the Lord said unto Eve, “What is this thing which thou hast done?” 11 Eve’s response was characteristic of a woman. Her answer was very simple and straightforward: “The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.”"

The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness

Richard G. Scott, October 1996 General Conference

"Later, “Adam blessed God … and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God.” 13 Adam was thinking about his responsibilities. He was trying to align his performance with the desires of the Lord."

The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness

Richard G. Scott, October 1996 General Conference

"Eve said, “Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.” 14 Eve’s response was characteristic of a woman. She embraced all, wanted to make sure that everyone was considered."

The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness

Richard G. Scott, October 1996 General Conference

"One response was not more correct than the other. The two perspectives resulted from the traits inherent in men and women."

The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness

Richard G. Scott, October 1996 General Conference

"The Lord intends that we use those differences to fulfill His plan for happiness, personal growth, and development. By counseling together they arrived at a broader, more correct understanding of truth."

As I was listening just now I couldn't help but think of the way we took our positions last week.[This would go well in Men are from Mars, . . . books for all my kids! Along with the Sheri Dew talk.vj]

Write a book or fish?

8:21am

Dedication Day

Thomas S. Monson, October 2000 General Conference

"Our Lord and Savior’s message was one of love. It can be as a light to our personal pathway to exaltation.

Near the end of his life, one father looked back on how he had spent his time on earth. An acclaimed, respected author of numerous scholarly works, he said, “I wish I had written one less book and taken my children fishing more often.”

Time passes quickly. Many parents say that it seems like yesterday that their children were born. Now those children are grown, perhaps with children of their own. “Where did the years go?” they ask. We cannot call back time that is past, we cannot stop time that now is, and we cannot experience the future in our present state. Time is a gift, a treasure not to be put aside for the future but to be used wisely in the present."  

8:2

I haven't published any books. But I did go fishing. To all the fishermen in the world that have taken their kids fishing: congratulations maybe we did one thing right without even knowing it!

Hosanna Shout

Saturday, October 18, 2014, 11:48am

Hello Brandon and Mareea and other friendly connections,

We dedicated the Ogden Temple last month and each stake center served as an extension of the temple so we could attend one of the 3 dedicatory sessions conducted by each of the first presidency in turn.  The buildings were locked 30 minutes before the broadcast so we could worship in anticipation. I saw two families come at their regular church time and have to return home because we were all locked up. (It was so loud in the chapel I went to sit in the foyer. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by my hearing.)

Have you ever participated in the Hosannah Shout? It is pretty special. You don’t have to be able to sing to participate. I believe there is great power in Unity. Participating in the righteous celebration of the Hosannah Shout has a spiritual power that even overcame President Hinkley as he led it in October of 2000. His voice died away in the third repeat and he was consumed and couldn’t speak. It was beautiful.

If you want to see it, you can! Some people have never been to a temple dedication and they may have no idea of what I am talking about. On lds.org you can watch this conference talk and hear the dedicatory prayer on the Conference Center and at the end see the Hosannah Shout. I felt chills as I listened just now.

 

This Great Millennial Year

Gordon B. Hinckley, October 2000 General Conference

"My brothers and sisters, what a great inspiration you are. As I look into the faces of this vast congregation and realize that there are many more assembled across the world, I am overwhelmed with a great sense of love for each of you. What wonderful people you are."

v-Don’t you love to be loved by the living prophet of the Lord Jesus Christ!

This Great Millennial Year

Gordon B. Hinckley, October 2000 General Conference

"I was around in 1947 when the Church celebrated the centennial of the arrival of the pioneers. At that time, the This Is the Place Monument was dedicated. A great celebration was held with a pageant in the Tabernacle representing the worldwide mission of the Church. The grand theme running through all of this was that the Church had reached a million members in its growth. Approximately one-half of them lived in Utah. Now only about 15 percent live here, and yet we have more members here than we have ever had. To think that today we have a membership of 11 million is a tremendous and wonderful thing that brings with it the promise of the future."

This Great Millennial Year

Gordon B. Hinckley, October 2000 General Conference

"O God, our Eternal Father, with thankful hearts we approach Thee in prayer on this historic Sabbath when we dedicate this magnificent Conference Center."

This Great Millennial Year

Gordon B. Hinckley, October 2000 General Conference

"We thank Thee for the very many dedicated and highly skilled men and women who have worked long and hard to bring it to completion. May they have a sense of pride in their accomplishment."

V-FDUchtdorf gave an address telling us it is OK to use the word “Pride”. Above is an example of GBH using it.  It had almost turned into a swear word in the church after ETB told us it is the universal sin.

This Great Millennial Year

Gordon B. Hinckley, October 2000 General Conference

"Almighty God, how thankful we are for Thy wondrous blessings upon us. Accept of our gratitude. Keep Thine ancient promises concerning those who contribute their tithes and offerings, which have made all of this possible. Open the windows of heaven and shower down blessings upon them.

We love Thee and Thy divine Son. We seek to do Thy will. We praise Thy holy name. We lift our voices in anthems of worship. We testify of Thee and of our Redeemer, Thy matchless Son. Majestic is Thy way, glorious the tapestry of Thine eternal plan for all who walk in obedience unto Thee.

Wilt Thou smile with favor upon us, we pray in the sacred name of our Lord Jesus Christ, amen."

This Great Millennial Year

Gordon B. Hinckley, October 2000 General Conference

"Any mention of this by the media should recognize that for us this is a very sacred and personal thing. We request that it be treated with deference and respect.

I will now demonstrate the shout. Each one takes a clean white handkerchief, holding it by one corner, and waves it while saying in unison, “Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna to God and the Lamb,” repeated three times, followed by “Amen, Amen, and Amen.”

Again, those wishing to participate are invited to stand and give the Hosanna Shout immediately following the dedicatory prayer. Those desiring to remain seated are at liberty to do so. If you do not have a white handkerchief you may simply wave your hand. Those in other areas may join in giving the shout if their circumstances are appropriate."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

September Mourn -Melancholy Month 1

Good Morning October 1, 2014!

I am entitling this section September Mourn. I am going to be in mourning this month.

It is 3 years since that fateful email from Kathy telling me she was divorcing me.

I am so sad. So disappointed

She is a huge part of my life. I lived for her.

What I say she may not agree with, but this is me.

Her opinion was paramount. I so wanted to make her happy.

I love the fact that I worked and sweated one summer outside painting and earned the money for her piano. She meant everything to me. It was the most miserable job. So sweaty, so hot. Up and down ladders. Laying on the roof and leaning over to paint facia. Hot tar and pavement. Dirt and dust and plants and brick. Drop cloths and calking and paint rags and sticky fingers and on and on. But with that dream of getting her the Country French Yamaha Piano it was worth it.  I was so excited. I could finally make her dream come true. 

And when she moved out she did not leave it behind.

I would have so loved to have been able to make her happy in all things. But I couldn’t.

How she scrimped and made pinto bean pizza those first years. In fact if there was a piece of material that might be used again it was saved.

What a history we made. BYU together the first year. Graduation. Job applications. Painting in SLC from Provo. Wray, Colorado and Kayenta, Arizona.

A “shoe in” at Manilla, Utah. Wray was disappointed not to get me. Kayenta provided housing and the desperately needed a pianist in the branch.

We slept overnight in the Manti La Sal national forest one time. We only had my one thick polyester orange sleeping back. Who cared! We slept together. No tent, no cushion, and a youth group showed up and camped across the way. We had never been there before. Good thing it didn’t rain. We were embarrassed about the two of us being in one sleeping bag.

That was the morning I found out about Kathy’s spunk and determination. I thought she would be completely dependent on me. I was wrong.

We went down to the stream to play. It was good sized and at the bottom of a steep incline. Lots of weeds and undergrowth. I threw her shoes across the stream and waited for her to beg in her helplessness for me to bring them back and give them to her. Surprise! She fought me until she had mine and threw them across the stream as well. I drove home stunned. The world changed for me that morning.

Have you ever graduated from college and then had to work long and hard to try to find a job? Utah was in a teacher glut. They didn’t need me. I didn’t know that and so we applied to all the big and little school districts. I traveled and interviewed. I think some of them thought they were doing me a favor to interview me. They knew there were no openings or already had someone in mind. I had not planned on coaching and yet I had traded one of my two student teaching experiences for another High School experience. There was no way in the world I wanted to teach Jr. High, ever!  Little did I know.

I was amazed at Kathy’s determination to get us a job! She visited the placement center regularly and mailed dozens of letters of application and resumes and my placement folder. It didn’t take me long to discover That Brighton HS science department and under-rated me. I student taught seminary during my prep period at that school as well. : (

Luckily my BYU supervisors and Spanish Fork HS evaluations from Mack Sly were great. Bob Moderhak gave me a glowing report to Steve Peterson at WCSD after my two years at Niwot High School in Colorado. Once again I wasn’t a coach and they needed one at Niwot. They called it "reduction in force".

Kathy and I collected our SS alternative retirement fund and used it to move to Saint George.

Kathy loves big trees. The city had them but Bloomington Hills didn’t. She liked the city blocks and the quaint old houses in the city.

She loved well landscaped yards and nice cars and rich homes even though we called our house our dream home to start with.

It was tough living with all that envy although I did not know what it was at the time. I tried to console her by saying, We really couldn’t afford this house and neighborhood, dear, if it were not for my sweat equity and painting trade. We just are not in the same economic class as the people out here. The only teachers that lived here had both spouses teaching or the wife taught as a second income.

The economy was way down and we bought and built when it was depressed. We got way more for our dollar than we should have. Plus, Dad made a deal with LeRoi Merril that I would be able to be his painter so I could make my payments.

I had a Master’s class one or two nights a week at DMS. Dr. Miller wanted us to do something we had never done before in our lives and report on it by the end of the term.  We went around the circle and shared what we had done. I lied. I said that I played in my first faculty/student basketball game in front of the student body. He loved it though. You wouldn’t believe the stress of playing in one of those games if you are not a good/  show off player! For me I felt my reputation was on the line. And I was having a hard time with my reputation as it was. Mr. Rogers at Niwot HS and Bobby Devo at Dixie JH. I would get so cynical and sarcastic as the school year drew to a close. : (  It was hard reminding the students over and over again and having them defy the rules. And I felt like I was the enforcer, the public’s authorized policeman/parent. If there was a rule broken I would fix it or report it. Dang! So sad and so hard. I didn’t understand!

So what did I really write my paper on? I did not work on Sundays but I was putting in 30, 40, 50, 60 hours of painting at the Lindhart’s current house as it was built! $10/hour. I had some call back work that I billed LeRoi for after that job and he never did pay me for those hours. : (  My kids even saw me up on the top two stories of the Saint George temple in December, priming and painting. They sure looked small way down there. The scaffolding was cool.  You wouldn't believe how small the top story is to make an optical illusion of height.

How did my SUSC professor respond? He understood how tight a teacher’s income was and accepted it. I was proud and felt understood.

And this is just the surface of those challenging and difficult times.

Average 0.57" precipitation vs. 1.19" in September

2:21am

It is the last day of September. We had double our average rainfall this month.  The month of August was the same. We had double our average rainfall in August too! In July our stake president asked us to pray and fast for rain. In their letter to us they even said, pray for gentle, long, undamaging rains.  I found that very interesting.  The gentle part has not come to pass but, shocker the amount has doubled.

I got very frustrated with this principle when I was doing therapy with Mark Clayton in 2000. We were fasting and praying for rain and the drought continued unabated for a year!  I was so disappointed. What about our fasting and prayers? Weren't they working?

Mark Clayton smiled and said, Vern, there are so many variables involved. Maybe it isn't part of God's plan to have rain right now. Maybe the saints aren't worthy and need to repent and on and on. I felt like my faith was on trial. If it didn't rain then my faith didn't work. Even in every temple session during the prayer circle they were praying for rain.

So, when we were invited to join together again this year I said to myself, I have been here before. I am not going to put all my eggs in one basket. I will support them but I am not going to worry about being as fervent as last time.  But as you can tell, I am keeping track, according to the national weather service for our area. " )

#9 to Brandon Perry Smith
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

12:54 am just past midnight, Saturday. Sunday, September 28, 2014

Hello Brandon, I opened your letter from the 20^th of September tonight after my evening nap. That means you wrote it last Saturday.

I am going to number my comments to start with so you know when I change topics. (As well I.)

I too 1) like to organize my colors by color groups and not alphabetized.  Teasing: To play the game you were supposed to make up names for all the colors.  UNtease: Since I just made a new set of color coordinated dots for you. . . you could label a set and send them back to me so I could see what you would have called them.  How far does your creativity go? Does it go that far?  : )

Can’t say you don’t know what sienna color looks like anymore, can you!

I smiled as I read your letter. As you can see you inspired me to make you a new set of colored dots. I first had to remember where I had put the crayons. Yes! It was in my first place guessed!

Thank you for responding as best you could. I know you are developing new talents for writing and expressing and trusting and sharing.

Are your letters kept private or do they get to read what you wrote before you send it?A-

I was worried they would see all those 8 slips of paper like the ones I made for you again today, with all those 8 different  colors on each one and wonder if they were doused with lsd or something and keep them from you. Especially since they returned my letter where I put a sticker on the return address.

You are very, very limited aren’t you.

I understand 2) about the frustration of being patient and waiting. I regularly have dreams about it. Waiting, waiting, waiting. How does one deal with it?  In my opinion you try to create, adventure and explore in whatever ways your limited circumstances allow.

Example: Last Sunday was the rededication of the new Ogden Temple.  The stake centers around the world were classified as extensions of the temple for that occasion. The doors were locked 30 minutes before the beginning of the dedication session. Everyone was to bring a white Hanky, handkerchief. That is for the Hallelujah Shout at the end. I wrote down the words this time so I could remember them afterwards.

There were 3 sessions. 10am, 1pm, 4pm. I wanted to be first and planned on arriving at 9am so I could get a good seat. But something inside of me was resistant to the idea of 3 whole hours! Who wants to be locked up and limited for 3 whole hours? So I was lacking some of the motivation to get there early. I did sit down at about 9:17 so at least I made the deadline. Temples are places to contemplate and ponder and meditate. I think that is why the 30 minute waiting time before the meeting. They had tabernacle choir music and a visual program of all the temples and especially the Ogden temple with all the different rooms and exteriors.

How was I going to use that time? I did not see anyone else with one but I took my journal. I wrote and thought and recorded and the time just flew by for me.

You may have heard of Victor Frankl, a jewish psychologist who lived/ worked/ survived in the German concentration camp. He wrote a short green book showing how the final freedom is our freedom of the mind and attitude. That starving, kind prisoners could still sacrifice their food or care for someone they felt needed it etc.. That prayer and communication with God can still happen even in those circumstances.  I found this book at my Father in laws house and read it while there since my wife was so occupied with her family during a visit in the ‘80’s.

I have not adopted his insight or teaching. It just came naturally. I just figure out ways to occupy myself when I am in limiting circumstances, like a doctor’s waiting room, faculty meeting, empty spaces between parent conferences,  trying to go to sleep at night etc..

I left my journal in the church library when I went in to have copies made. It is a part of my church protection from boredom. The SS president brought it to me after Priesthood meeting. I left priesthood meeting to go find it in the SS room but it wasn’t there. I was relieved when he brought it.

Now knowing you, especially from this last letter you wrote me, you would say, but there is nothing to write about. It is almost the same every day.  But Brandon, your thoughts don’t have to be the same. You read. You think. You study. You opinion (at least a little.) So do I. Admittedly, my life is a lot more stimulating than yours!  But if you read you can consider and express.

Another story. Elder Bruce R McConkie. BRM was known as the scriptorian of the 70’s and 80’s in the church. He wrote Mormon Doctrine and all the chapter headings for the scriptures. I listened to every general conference talk given from ’71 till present this last year. As I listened to him I was shocked and amazed at the courage he showed in saying what he did in General Conference. He even shared personal poems and hymns he had written. He gave his whole heart and soul to his calling as he had his life to the understanding of his Lord. You may have heard of his Messiah series:(Deseret Book)

Elder Bruce R. McConkie's landmark series on the life of Christ is available in a boxed set. This best-selling series examines the mission, ministry, and accomplishments of our Savior, and includes six powerful volumes.

• The Mortal Messiah, Volume 1: Beginning with the prophecies that were coming to pass as the Advent of the Messiah approached, and expanding on Jesus Christ's childhood, His baptism, and early ministry, this landmark Spirit-filled volume is worth reading more than once.
• The Mortal Messiah, Volume 2: Delving into the Savior’s Galilean ministry and reviewing the Sermon on the Mount and much of the Pharisaic opposition, volume two of The Mortal Messiah will provide readers with valuable insights.
• The Mortal Messiah, Volume 3: This volume continues with the life of Christ at the peak of his Galilean ministry, with miraculous healings and the feeding of the four thousand, and continues through to the Savior’s sermon on the Mount of Olives which includes the Parable of the Ten Virgins and the Parable of the Talents.
• The Mortal Messiah, Volume 4 Jesus — the Savior of the world, the Messiah — is preparing himself to die. His mortal ministry among men on earth is nearing an end, and he must prepare his disciples for what is to be — his betrayal and crucifixion.
• The Promised Messiah This volume presents a careful analysis of prophecies concerning the First Coming of the Lord. The discourse deepens our understanding that Christ is the Savior, that he did indeed come to make atonement for the sins of men and thus opened up the way for them to return to his presence.
• The Millennial Messiah Prophecies from ancient as well as modern scriptures are recounted, explained, and compared as the author delves into every aspect of the Savior's second advent. No careful reader can complete this book without adding significantly to his knowledge about the Christian world's most-heralded future event.

(Each book is more than 400 pages long and Kathy bought me a set knowing how I love studying the gospel, back in the 80’s. I tried reading them and it didn’t mean anything to me. It just seemed like he was giving his testimony over and over again in different ways.)

So did I read them all?  No way. I couldn’t understand them. OK back to my story now that you are duly impressed with BRM’s dedication and talent.

After his death the Ensign published a synopsis of his life with quotes from others etc.. His daughter came upon him one day throwing out a stack of written papers over a foot tall. He said he didn’t need them anymore. What was it? He had handwritten every verse from the book of mormon and connected each verse with all the scriptures and ideas he could think of that were related to it. He told his adult daughter IT was a way of studying and it had served its purpose.

I was flabbergasted! Who in the heck would copy the book of mormon by hand? Let alone express themselves about every verse. This was brand new information and insight to me. And he just threw it away afterwards!

So what is my point? Is it starting to make sense?  Now there is a good chance you do not feel safe enough to express yourself. If that is the case I would just start with what I did feel safe with.

I was proud of you in the letter I read as you did express yourself a little bit. Mainly in the way of questions. (…due to the necessity of letting a process run it’s course, you were forced to refrain? …Sometimes I don’t feel so patient. …Hmm, could a person become addicted to attending group therapy sessions? …I don’t think I know you as well as you think I do. . . . So if there is already a SS president how can there be another? …With every sarcastic remark there is a deeper, unresolved issue….What color would consist of an azure sky?)

Here was my favorite flattering line: Upon reading this letter, it really wasn’t as bad of a puzzle I feared it might hvae been. Qutie a delight.

By the way, you are doing fine in communicating and letting me get to know you. Trying to get to know you through talking to others would be a cop out. I best like how you really are and how you really feel.

Sorry about your motorcycle.

Next, 3) a class president just helps the teacher conduct that class. Welcomes everyone, lines up prayers, concludes the lesson. Takes some of the pressure off of the teacher and allows them to focus on the lesson instead of business. Great support for a teacher, especially in a large adult class.

I suppose 4) one could become addicted to group therapy. But one enters group therapy knowing they are broken and trying to heal. So the goal is to graduate. Mark Clayton, my guru therapist, 1999-’04 told me that one of our OCD group members would always need some sort of emotional monitoring. Instead of calling it manic/depressive these days they call it bipolar. Group also costs money so when the rewards are no longer worth the cost one quits.

How well 5) do you know me? Sure there are things you don’t know about me, but anytime someone writes you page after page of their thoughts and takes on life, if they are perfectly honest and candid, you get a real good idea of what they are like. Besides that, you have read my unfiltered, lengthy poetry to my family members. They think I am way too revealing. And if I am, too bad. No more secrets. Straight up. It’s you and I God and I am totally honest with you and I can be with others too.

Of course there are dangerous people one must avoid. Or wear a shell around oneself to be protected. Jesus knew his calling and only did as the Father wished. That gave him inner strength. Pilot and Herod and Ciaphas could not get through his protective shell. He knew who he was.

So, I like you said, once told my therapist I didn’t think I knew him. He said, close your eyes. As you listen to my voice and consider the things I have said and how I have responded and invited you, you know me. If my voice were disguised and I was behind a screen and you had to pick which one was me by the way I responded, you would be able to pick me.

I have never forgotten that. Our personality, our spirit, our soul come through with everything we say and do.  Many times I have wondered what my kids think of me. Strange as it may seem, they don’t question me. They know me. They know my intensions and my foundations. And they may forget but each time we relate they know me again.

By the way, it is 3am in the morning. If I write like this, even in the middle of the night you know something about me.  : )

Good night for now.vj

Sunday, September 28 10:29 pm

Hello again Brandon, What a wonderful day it was. The night was not so good but the day, yes.

I have 6)nightmares of failure when I am caught up on my sleep. They usually involve teaching school and my last principal, Barbara Garrett. (13 years with her)

 Last week 7)was the Ogden temple rededication and next week is General Conference. So today was the only one of those 3 weeks when we will have met as a ward.  Ask me if I ever miss? Nope.

So I got there early to help set up chairs but they were already done. I went in the young women’s room and started writing in my journal. I decided I would make a column of questions for you, you, you. And it only took me a minute to be curious enough to fill the column.

Btw, it turned out to be fast and testimony meeting today. Luckily I seldom eat breakfast so I could feel like I had almost fasted.

In temple 8)dedications we do something not done at any other time in the church. It is called the Hosanna Shout. It is performed by a standing audience and lead by an apostle and we all have a white hanky that is waved.

Our opening hymn today had 3 verses and the last verse ended with the same line:

Shout hosanna to his name; One and all his might proclaim.

Did you notice the words Shout hosanna? So cool after last week!

Our last line in the sacrament hymn said:

WE love thee, Lord; our hearts are full. We’ll walk thy chosen way.

What a beautiful thing to be able to sing to Jesus Christ. We love thee, Lord.

I have been so blessed 9)with my study of the gospel this year and the temple dedication this last week.  I couldn’t help but bear a testimony again. Since I am on the stand I don’t have far to go. : )

You haven’t 10)ever heard me speak but I have a loud clear voice when I need. Teaching school helped to train me. I love my ward members and get as good a view of them as the bishop does each week.  As far as I can tell they all love me in return as well.

I always 11)lead one verse in priesthood opening exercises too. I missed one week last month when I came in late after our SS family history class let out late. I was surprised to see the 2^nd counselor, Mark Jensen, leading a verse when I arrived. I like to be dependable and support the bishopric in that way. You probably know that the RS room has soft chairs. We had a new addition put on our building last year and now we have a Priesthood Room with soft chairs as well!  To really learn how to lead music one would need to do all the verses of a hymn but I usually have an Aaronic priesthood boy help me lead each week so that they get the experience. Today we had two blonde boys being funny and sitting in two chairs at the front facing the brethren. I announced that I had two helper conductors. One of them quickly joined the audience but the other one hung in there and lead the music with me.

Because I have been so consumed with indexing and temple work I decided to pick a hymn celebrating it today. My organist, Hal Stead did not know the song, but he practiced for prelude and was ready when we sang.

I write all the words on a chalk board so they can just see and read them. I have lots of experience speed writing on a chalk board. Our gospel doctrine class is held in the same room so I just prepare after the SS lesson is over. (I seldom attend Family History Class)

The hymns are a refuge to me. Just like the temple. My wife gave me a miniature hymn book on one of those present/gift occasions when we were young.  During my worst life trial times I would drive to Silver Reef and then hike up to Oak Grove on the south facing slope of Pine Valley Mountain and then back down.  At first I would just pray to my heart’s content and talk with HF but then I began packing my hymnbook and singing to myself and testing myself on every song to see if I knew it and could sing it.  It was a special communion time between me and God.  There are also cassette tapes with all of the hymns in order that I would listen to and practice at home. So what seems familiar to me may not be familiar to all the saints.  Our circumcision friend, Hal Demke, told me that today’s priesthood hymn would not be in the next hymnbook edition. He was baiting me. I bit. Why’s that? I asked. H-because nobody knows it. Was his reply!

But I read to all the brethren the words off the board before we started and I was wonderfully pleased with their singing of an unfamiliar hymn today. (I have been smiling the whole time I have been writing this because it brings me such happy feelings.)

Here are the words to the first verse which we tried to sing:

p. 288

How beautiful they temples, Lord! Each one a sacred shrine.

Where faithful Saints, with one accord, Engage in work divine.

How beautiful some aid to give To dear ones we call dead,

But who indeed as spirits live; They’ve only gone ahead.

OK.

What about all those questions I wrote for you? (Just pick and answer the ones you want in each letter until you are done.)

-Can you listen to your own music?

-List all of the nemeses in your life and how they afflicted you. (nemesis noun,  plural  nemeses 

 [nem-uh-seez] 

1.

something that a person cannot conquer, achieve, etc.:

The performance test proved to be my nemesis.

2.

an opponent or rival whom a person cannot best or overcome.

-List all the heroes in your life and how they affected you. (I told you about one of mine last letter: Greg Johnston)

-How tall are you?

-What do you weigh?

-What is your birthday?

-How did you compare with other kids in reading groups back in elementary school?

-What were you like in math?

-        “        “        “        English?

- Social Studies?

-PE?

-What things/ hobbies/ accomplishments/ have brought you the greatest pride/ sense of success in your life?

-Did you like to play with fire?

-Have you ever been “over the top” with fear?

-How many broken bones and how?

-How many hospital visits and why?

-Ever cried in a book or movie?

-Best answer to prayer?

-Worst/ disparate need to pray?

-Tell me about passing the sacrament and your experiences with it.

- “ preparing the sacrament      “        “        .

-        “        blessing the sacrament    “        .

-Where are you in your scripture study?

-It sounds like you have no church services or Family Home Evening. What do you do instead?

-What do you think of the 5 sides of the health pentagon I limericked to Michael?

How are those for starters? Like I said just answer when you are ready or when you run out of stuff to say. In fact you could ask your own questions and answer them the way you would.  Just options.

I have been 12) imbedding the change of topic numbering in the first sentence because if I put it at the beginning it indents. For example:

1)    And I don’t like losing writing space to margins.

2)    And then trying to get out of it is a pain.

I texted my hometeaching families today and asked if they would like a visit or a letter. (Another unique characteristic about me. A home teacher that writes letters? Necessity is the mother of creation.  There have been times when my families have been indisposed or unwilling to be hometaught. Leaving a treat or writing a letter are options. I used to say to myself, hey, it would take me 45 minutes to visit them and since I can’t they will get a 45 minute letter/testimony instead.) Bonnie and Quinn were sealed in the temple this summer. It is a second marriage for both of them and after 10 years she agreed to be sealed to him. The Carter family I have visited for just over a year and this is how the mother (kids gone) responded today: We would like to see you but we are going to be in and out today with family : (.   We love having you come to our home we also love your letters. So this month I will await a letter : ). Thanks so much for being a great home teacher.

I try contacting my families on the second Sunday of the month. So if it is the last Sunday of the month they know that I have already made an effort and sometimes, repeated efforts. So they do not think I am wimping out by just contacting them on the last Sunday of the month. Is home teaching a challenge? Man, you better believe it!

So this afternoon I needed to compose a testimony, message, letter of some sort.

One of the skill teachers learn along the way is how to hook and audience. They find some strange, intriguing, interesting story/fact /question that will grab everyone’s attention. If it is current then that helps. Everyone wants to know news. I used your and my correspondence about Michael’s 22 limericks for his 22 birthday as a hook in my home teaching message /letter today. I hope you enjoy it.  I also included the 22 verse poem.  I created it so I can share it right?  Besides, it was many hours of thought and work over different days and it is true from my point of view.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Hello Bruce Randall and Bonnie n Quinn Carter,

You are wonderful.  I love you. I am writing as your home teacher this month. It is the last Sunday of the month and you are indisposed. : )

I have a friend of 5 months who is at the Purgatory Correctional Facility. You may know the Hughes family in our ward. Brandon Perry Smith is Katrina Hughes brother. He has been over there for longer  than 95% of the prisoners. 4 years.

Why I started writing him is a long story. Ask me some time and I’ll share.

I opened a letter from him last night. Letter number 7. He disagreed with two of the verses I wrote for Michael’s birthday.

“Uh oh, ‘N’ is incorrect: We may not ‘try over and over anew.’ We may learn from mistakes, but the consequences must always be dealt with.

And  ‘O’: I don’t think our Heavenly Father is happy to see his children living miserably in a tenement house.”

Now you 3, b b & q may not see the meaning of the limericks in quite the same way as he did. (B, B, & Q)

On N we may not have any consequences besides the sorrow of repentance. Christ has paid the price. Now I agree with him partly, as far as this life is concerned. But even in this life I have broken the law and commandments and not had to pay the consequences. I know that is not something we want to teach our children but I have gotten away with all kinds of things!  I will not go into detail at this  point. : )

The concept is true though about reaping as we sow. Our character is built or torn down.  There is a 2x4’ picture hanging above the computers were I usually work at the family history center. It show a man and his son standing and looking at the ground in a plowed field with tools in their hands and talking. Recently, I wondered to myself if I ever taught that concept carefully enough to my children?

I was concerned back in April that Michael may have picked up smoking from his roommate. In my mind and heart I thought, that would be sad but it doesn’t make a difference in my love for him. It can be repented of. I believe that is the same way HF sees us in our sins and weaknesses. In fact there is no perfect man. Only a God. So we were expected to sin. It is part of the plan. But then comes Satan’s role. He tells us God doesn’t love us anymore because we have sinned. We need to turn away from God because we are not worthy. WRONG. We just need to fess up and tell him how hard it is for us. He can’t help us unless we ask. He just wants us to depend on him.

In the old testament Gideon had 3,000 soldiers to conquer Jericho or maybe more. This is the part that seems so strange to me: The Lord said, I do not want them to think they did it by their own strength. I want them to know that I am the power. I am their God. I want them to look toward me and worship me so I will save them!

First he had Gideon release everyone who had family and really didn’t want to be there. Then he had them all drink at the  stream/river. Only the ones who used one hand, 300 got to stay. The ones that lapped water like a dog (I have 5 three week old puppies at my house.) or used both hands were out of luck. And then they had to follow a ritual and on the last day, “The walls came tumbling down.”

Do you believe that story? How strong is your faith right now?

Our best choice is not to wallow in our sin but rather to let it be in the forefront between us and God. And talk with him  about it and if it is persistent, oh well, he will help us overcome it someday. He may have to help us gain strength by keeping other commandments before we are strong enough to disband/ defuse/ dissolve/ disperse that one. He just wants us to be humble and depend on him! Let go of our pride. Admit our weakness. And stay his friend. Don’t turn away. If we turn away we are out of his power. Free agency reigns supreme.

Let’s switch to O. Brandon sees the homeless and downtrodden. He feels for the poor and destitute. He doesn’t think HF wants us to be stuck living like that in a tenement house.

My limerick was for rhyming purposes. But that was one that he took personal.

This world is not fair. WE as members of his church are one in 500! The other 499 are not as blessed as we. Some portion of that 500 go to bed hungry at night. A goodly portion!

I have indexed 1300 + Italian names this month. Some died shortly after birth. None of them ever heard the true gospel of Jesus Christ as found in the Book of Mormon and the Bible. Who was there to teach them?

But God is fair. This world is not because it is the testing place. Brother Chenney from SLC says this earth will house 70 billion people all together. WE as crazy, over achieving saints, and by the command of God and the spirit of Elijah have accepted the responsibility of baptizing everyone who has /will ever live on the earth and doing all their ordinances for them. They proved themselves in this miserable caldron of earth life without the gospel and whatever character they developed will reward them appropriately by being able to choose to accept or reject in the spirit world.

Non members either have to say, yes we believe in baptism for the dead or no, baptism is not important. Otherwise God is not fair.

He is fair. He has had and does have a real plan for saving man. The word plan never appears in the Bible. The word baptism never appears in the Old Testament. Do you think something might be missing? Imagine if we took the words plan and baptism out of the Book of Mormon, D & C and P of GP.  What would be left?

Hello again Brandon,

If that offended you in any way I apologize. We are risk taking anytime we communicate with someone else. And I get very nervous about things where I share my heart and soul.

I knelt and prayed after writing and printing those and adding a handwritten closing.  I was too scared to deliver them.

After all my nightmares lately that makes sense. As I prayed I realized my home teaching partner had not been involved. I was worried the letters might not be delivered if I gave them to him but it is our 3rd month together and he doesn’t even know where one of the families lives. I looked up their addresses and wrote him a note. Remember when you said you like straightforward communication? How about this:

Dear Eric,

I wrote.

You deliver.

Vern

I was his home teacher for nearly 2 decades so he knows me. We are good friends. He gave the note a good hearty laugh as I delivered and read it to him.  He is not a regular church attender so I encouraged him to read the messages so he could know what “we” were giving them this month.  He texted me back within an hour.  He had delivered!

Bonnie texted me back. Thanks.

Step by step, not knowing beforehand what I should do. That is one of Nephi’s phrases.

In closing, Brandon I am going to try to shrink this down to 8 pages so I can include the other set of 64 colored dots.

Thanks for your efforts to dialog/ communicate/ correspond. Try to make it work for you. Remember, meaningful communication means meaningful to you!