lauowhy

Thursday, 12/14 Good morning Brandon, Looks like my letter to Scott was not well received. 1-9 to appear later.10- I have responded without having you even identify the parts that felt like a "harsh sentence passed" on your head. [bps, this was when I realized I had jumped the gun. He might not even need the 10 rebuttals I had written. So instead I asked him which words made him feel that way?] @@@ Lauowhy=foreigner in China. This guy knows Mandarin and married a beautiful chinese girl, and I mean beautiful, and lives and works there and I watched 4 or 5 of his videos last night. Haven’t you ever been curious about China?

Here are some things I learned. 1- The weirdest thing is they think drinking cold water is bad for you! They serve and drink hot water! Everyone has a hot water dispenser in their house for water to drink. Yuck, I can’t imagine! 2- The walls are made of cement. No wood, no gypsum board, cement. His wife can’t help tapping on walls that are not cement because they seem so flimsy to her. 3- No carpets. No floor coverings in China. They are seen as unclean. 4- No bathtubs nor shower curtains in China. There is just a drain in the floor at the bottom of the shower and they can spray off the toilet and sink all at the same time. The bathroom floor is almost always wet from showers. 5- Foreigners can get away with murder. They are thought of as dumb and unable to understand the language and the rules/ laws. 6- No world wide internet access. Everything is from within the country. They have their own Facebook and Twitter and Youtube but all with different names. Insular country. 7- I watch at 1.5 or 1.25 speed so the videos seem quick and interesting. This guy has talent. His wife has the biggest prettiest white toothy smile, dimples and pretty lips. Her family speaks cantonese which he understands but can’t speak. What an interesting relationship. @@ Did you know the biggest greatest artifact left by the anasazi is Chaco Canyon? The weather was moist in the 4 corners area for 250 years around 1,000 AD. So the nomadic anasazi settled down and grew crops and built a huge religious city! Kivas are circular worship chapels dug underground with alcoves in the walls. The biggest one could fit a chapel/ whole church inside it. An east window up in the top would shine on a certain alcove at the summer solstice.

The descendants are the apache, hopi and other southern tribes. Not the navajo, they came later and have a different language. I grew up in SLC so finding indian artifacts in St. George area has been a novelty to me. I have wanted to understand the anasazi for decades. @@@ Geronimo is a famous apache chief from 1890 that ended up in Mexico’s Sierra Madre mountains to escape US soldiers. I watched a documentary on him last night. I sat at the library browsing books and skimmed one called Native American Myths from South, Central and North America. The pictures of the chiefs intrigued me. I have never much cared about their personalities but in my old age I try to imagine their personalities from their faces. You may remember my foray into languages. I am still amazed at how many languages there are. I can’t believe that the Book of Mormon will ever be printed in every language. Perhaps when the scriptures say every man will hear the gospel in his own language it is not referring to the Book of Mormon. @Wiki: Central America and Mexico[edit]\In Central America the Mayan languages are among those used today. Mayan languages are spoken by at least 6 million indigenous Maya, primarily in Guatemala, Mexico, Belize and Honduras. In 1996, Guatemala formally recognized 21 Mayan languages by name, and Mexico recognizes eight more. The Mayan language family is one of the best documented and most studied in the Americas. Modern Mayan languages descend from Proto-Mayan, a language thought to have been spoken at least 5,000 years ago; it has been partially reconstructed using the comparative method.\1-Alagüilac (Guatemala) †\Chibchan (Central America & South America) (22)\Coahuilteco †\Comecrudan (Texas & Mexico) (3) †\Cotoname †

Cuitlatec (Mexico: Guerrero) †\Epi-Olmec (Mexico: language of undeciphered inscriptions) †\Guaicurian (8)\Huave\Jicaquean\Lencan\Maratino (northeastern Mexico) †\Mayan (31)\Miskito\Misumalpan\Mixe–Zoquean (19)\Naolan (Mexico: Tamaulipas) †\Oto-Manguean (27)\Purépecha\Quinigua (northeast Mexico) †\Seri\Solano †\Tequistlatecan (3)\Totonacan (2)\Uto-Aztecan (United States & Mexico) (33)\Xincan

Yuman (United States & Mexico) (11)\ bps Did you count? 27 Mayan related languages. @ The US had 58 original languages. SA had 138. Interesting isn’t it! @ Remember that only Central America had written language. Codex/ book. That is how we suspect they Jaredites and then Nephites lived there. @@@ Fri 12/15/17 Good morning Brandon, A new day. “10 movies the critics panned but shouldn’t have”, was a video I watched last night and then I picked a couple of them to go see. I ended up watching most of one about a self appointed superhero who chooses a pipe wrench for his weapon. His wife leaves him for a drug dealer and he tries to get her back but can’t. He sees a Jesus commercial fighting Satan at a High School and dreams he is chosen, touched by God to fight crime. At one point it shows him reconsidering and praying for a sign that he should continue fighting crime or give it up. A cute little woman wants to be his sidekick helper and it is quite satisfying to watch them beat the criminals one at a time. I would never have watched it without that 10 panned movies video I watched to begin with. It sort of prepared me for the obnoxious stuff. So, one more way of adventuring. @ Elder SLC Chenney came in to FS at 5 last night. I so wanted to touch base with him. He is so inspiring. I love updates on what is happening in the foreign language indexing world. One of the bylines used to encourage foreign language indexing is: “Did you know there are 20 times more records available in English than all other languages put together?” Doesn’t that sound like a compelling reason to help? It sure makes me feel needed! Well, in past years the indexing done has been 5% foreign, 95% english. This year is different: 20% foreign, 80% english. That is headway! Next, we were 1.8million behind in Spanish last year. Currently only 35k behind. Next, he said that arbitrators/ reviewers are encouraged to find a project, index it until they understand all the ins and outs, then start reviewing and stick to that project until it is all done. That way they become experts. This was a relief to hear because it means it is OK for my to push a project ahead! I have been indexing 50 morti and reviewing 1k Paraguay each day. Next, I dared to ask if our indexed records are used to find the originals. The answer was yes. The index is not an original source. Thank heavens! So that means it does not have to be perfect! Those are not the names nor information that will be taken to the temple, although I did not ask that question specifically. I should have. It is just used to give hints to those seeking records of ancestors. On family search program it shows the hints in a blue button. Peru has started calling them Celestial blue hints. Fun huh! By following the hint you can follow it back to the original record and see what the clerk really wrote! This is so extremely important to me because I have been checking the indexer when I review and not every record. I see my most important responsibility as seeing if the indexer did it right, not checking every single record/ entry. It is the same way I used to grade papers. I found a mistake that was common to make and then focused on that specific question and answer. If they got that one right they probably got the rest right, so it was just spot checking for full credit. I found it way too boring trying to find a mistake on every line! The old arbitrating program compared Key A’s indexing with Key B’s indexing and all the differences were highlighted in red and needed arbitration. Elder Chenney will probably discover in time that we are a dozen times faster with reviewing than we were with arbitrating. Arbitrating Spanish records was tedious. Some indexers used accents, some didn’t etc. etc.. Reveiwing Spanish records works great. My biggest issue is when the indexer can’t find the information because it is split on two pages. My second biggest issue is having them skip people/ records. There might be 2 or 3 records on a page and they just do the top one. Those are the ones we send back for reindexing. @@ The brother who died multiple times and was brought back by his indexed buddies from Chicago was here last night. He has a chip on his shoulder. He feels angry at those who try to run up their numbers by indexing wrong. Once he starts reviewing he will see that you don’t get credit for ones done wrong. In fact I believe the people who index them incorrectly just don’t understand yet, they haven’t figured it out yet, they haven’t been taught enough yet. I know, I have been there. And how many people are there like me who actually index for hours and hours each day? No one! And how can you understand it all unless you do? You can’t. In fact, I only understand one type of Italian indexing after all these months and years: forms. I do understand more Spanish indexing because I know the language. Elder Chenney said the Italians were extremely apprehensive about Americans indexing their records. He rubbed/wrung his hands to show their worry. And he is in charge of all the foreign indexing so he got the brunt of that worry and concern. Evidently we have succeeded because we have many additional languages now. @@ I know this indexing world makes little sense to you and may be of little interest but it is the Lord’s work and we are pushing it along. @@@Serious us vern jensen <phonev6@gmail.com>8:21 AM (14 hours ago)to Spot

Firstly, Why was I abandoned by all my brothers and sisters to sociopaths and murderers? At least you had siblings growing up around you. At times, many times ( I know this from having Gayelinn there until I was 12, then she went to University ) it was a liability, something that our parents used against us. But, at least you had each other, and I know you watched out for each other. This is the sentence I'm referring too, sentence as in prison sentence.

Secondly, why did you feel I needed "a seed of self honesty, to spark his understanding of our parents, and prompt the end of deceit in his own mind, and the beginning of self acceptance and humility on his own part." I strived from my earliest memories to have self honesty at all times. I went out of my way to go back to people minutes, hours, days, years later in order to pay reparations for things my parents did that I witnessed. I didn't have to do that, I was compelled to do it. I have always strived for introspection, self improvement and self acceptance.

I'm wonder what made you feel I did not have self honesty or self acceptance.

When the State of Utah did their official interrogation on me, 4 hours long, no adult present, at age 13 ( I think ) did they ask anything about child abuse? Or nieces and nephews being abused? Did they give me and opportunity to say anything. NO. They ask 5 questions over and over and over, that I only realized later in my live, was them fishing to see if our parents did the temple ceremony in our home and if I had witnessed any part. I hadn't and I knew nothing about it. Why would the STATE care about RELIGION? That is not their jurisdiction.

No one asked me to stay with our parents. No one asked me if I wanted to defend them. No one asked me if I had been abused. I was alone and scared and abandoned by the only ones that actually showed me love. Water under the bridge, but yet, still questions in my head.

I love you very much and cherish our relationship now and before. As you can see questions I may never have answers to, and I might have to learn to just accept and move on. Abandonment was and is still hard for me.

bps, I took spot on a long inner child therapy session by email (not included) and then sent this:For understanding only: vern jensen <phonev6@gmail.com>8:58 AM (14 hours ago)toSpot

Secondly, why did you feel I needed "a seed of self honesty, to spark his understanding of our parents, and prompt the end of deceit in his own mind, and the beginning of self acceptance and humility on his own part." I strived from my earliest memories to have self honesty at all times. I went out of my way to go back to people minutes, hours, days, years later in order to pay reparations for things my parents did that I witnessed. I didn't have to do that, I was compelled to do it. I have always strived for introspection, self improvement and self acceptance.

I'm wonder what made you feel I did not have self honesty or self acceptance.

~~~ ~~~

First, of all let me admit that I make mistakes. I am stupid many times. There are so many things I don't understand.

I am also damaged. I will probably never be whole. I am walking wounded.

I deal with overwhelming feelings regularly. And they are not fun nor comfortable. I usually have at least one huge debilitating issue a week. I also have allergies that I test, and often end up being sick for a day or two each week. Last night they had candy canes, red and green frosted cupcakes and frosted sugar cookies for treats at BoM class. I ate none. I was sick 2 or 3 days after eating a Halloween sugar cookie at class. No way do I want to do that again.

I take 10mg paxil/paroxetine each day. I have a prescription for 4/day=80mg. I stock up/store them so I don't have to visit the doctor as often. I would love to get off it, but I don't trust myself. I don't dare. If I am this bad taking a half a pill each day, how bad would I be if I stopped taking them?

Secondly, I wrote the succeeding response yesterday. And when I got to the bottom I realized I hadn't even had you clarify which feelings you had. So this is for understanding only. It is not meant to defend or debate. Forgive me if anything seems adversarial. I do not intend to be adversarial, not like in a court of law.

1- Up until the church court time period I believed, "Jensen's are different". That dad was called and elected, soon to take on his full apostleship and die in Jerusalem and lay in the street for 3 days. I too honored them. I was obedient.

2- Their strange actions were aberrations to me. I did not know they were abusers, murders. I have pages and pages in my journal from a couple of years before the funeral where I defended them and recorded all their good deeds. It took me weeks to figure out that there might be some truth to Julie, the "liar's" accusations. Kathy couldn't stand them and knew something was wrong, but not me. They were my loving parents. Honor thy father and thy mother.

3- Why did I abandon you to them? I was abandoned to them as well. I didn't know I needed to be rescued. Why would I think you did? I was raised in that same household only some 20 years before you. Plus, my weird wife was all I could handle. She wouldn't even allow relatives to sleep in the house when they came in to town to visit. I thought that was absurd. But she had been abused and, didn't know it either.

4- Pre-judging. As I said in parentheses, I worried about revealing to you my projections of your intents/position. I don't mind if you are angry with me for not removing you from that situation. I am disappointed with me as well. But I did not have a clue.

“I sat near the middle and began to write Scott. I wanted him to have something to read and consider after it was all over and the memories of what was said have all become jumbled. I wanted to help him feel respected *[no issue, positive] and loved (accepted) *[no issue] and also to plant a seed of self honesty *[I couldn't be honest with myself until I understood the deception, if you already understood the deception you were way ahead of me at that age], to spark his understanding of our parents *[Did you already understand them? I hadn't] , and prompt the end of deceit in his own mind *[I am not saying you were deceitful, I was saying you were deceived, I had been. Why honor wicked parents? Defy wicked parents, honor righteous ones. ], and the beginning of self acceptance *[we have problems with this, we don't dare own our feelings, they are liabilities so we deny them, bury them when they come out, and in my case explode, geyser back then.] and humility on his own part.” [Scott, I hesitated to share the word humility with you. It turned out you already are. We have to be humble to make changes.]

5- I do not fault my desires to improve your life. I wanted to spark your understanding. Understanding is the first step. Then comes desire. Then comes action. Perhaps you were too young to dare to desire and act, if you understood.

6- You understand the label sociopath. Interesting. I still wonder. I find that label reassuring. I know a man without a conscience, same age as MichaelJ. I don't understand it all the way and some people can't even accept there are such things as conscience free people, sociopaths.

7- In my opinion I prejudged you in no unfair ways. I was reaching out to try and help in the only way I knew how. How could I write you if I did not have an intent? The letter is gone. But my intent is revealed.

8- So are you allowed to sorrow? Are you allowed to wish? Are you allowed to be angry? Absolutely!

9- Adrian's motivation was extinguished by his tax confrontation. The most productive years of his life, wasted! It wasn't fair. We have all been handicapped and wounded by our formative years in hell. I am so sorry for us and for you.

10- I have responded without having you even identify the parts that felt like a "harsh sentence passed" on your head.

Friday: Lastly, I hope this doesn't wipe you out, especially if you dare to go visit little Scott and feel with him. Big stuff. If it does wipe you out, it would make sense. Healing is hard work. I am intensely proud of us even having this conversation. What a treat! What a blessing! I love it and I appreciate it.\God bless you, Vern\
This is how he responded:Spot 9:09 AM (13 hours ago)\to me \​My dear brother Vern,

Thank you so very much for responding. I was worried I overstepped myself in asking what I did. Thank you for caring and understanding. Thank you for your advice.

I understand things much better now. There is no need for you to follow up any further on this subject unless you feel the need to. I love you so much more, I didn't think loving you more was possible, but it is.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

​Love, Spot​\Brandon, He hopes to try my advice, the inner child journey I led him on. It will be absolutely exhausting, devastatingly depleting, if he can go deep enough. He won't be able to respond for hours or days afterwards. So much healing is needed. It is like recuperating at a hospital after a serious operation. Hard to imagine isn't it? But Mark Clayton understood well. He encouraged us to treat our inner child after hard work like that.\

Kathy used to reward MichaelJ with a subway sandwich if he would do a therapy session with Mark. I couldn't see it. But Michael's therapy session eventually came to an end so I'm glad she was smarter than I was.

Sunday, 12/17 How big is Africa? Because the equator goes through Africa and makes it look smaller on a map. The countries away from the equator get expanded because the earth is round, not flat. Earlier I told you how many languages were in America and Central and South America. How many in Africa? [The whole continent of Africa with more than 30 million square kilometers and one billion inhabitants might be considered a very large linguistic area. About 1,500 languages (25 % of the world's total) are spoken across this vast territory. They are grouped in four phyla of very different magnitude: Afro-Asiatic, Nilo-Saharan, Niger-Congo and Khoisan.<v- I think this is more accurate than the earlier ones. For example it says:  When the Europeans arrived to North America there were perhaps 300 to 400 languages spoken by several million native people. Due to continuous wars, disease, forced displacement and cultural marginalization, only 250,000 native Americans were still alive in the territory of the United States at the end of the 19th century, and only about half or less of the indigenous languages of North America survive today. Most of them are endangered and many have only a few speakers left.] So the scripture about every people hearing the gospel in their own tongue couldn’t mean the BoM will be translated into all of them.