Speak peace to my soul.

Dear BrendaF, IreneN, RamonaC,

Mark Jensen called me as a Family History Consultant today after church. I asked who was my boss? He wasn't sure. . . WE sustained Brenda Fifield today too.

As you probably know I am cuckoo for cocoa puffs, I mean cuckoo for indexing. INDEXING

I HAVE needed a way to be able to help build Heavenly Father's kingdom here on the earth. I go to the familysearch library 6 days a week and index. And I have been doing it for 3 years. I am recognized like a piece of furniture over there.

On Thursday evenings and Saturdays, Classroom A is for Foreign Language indexing. Of course I was there yesterday. I like the back row but 3 people were in my spot. So I sat in front of them. As I worked for the next 3 hours I kept imagining doing the same on a big screen TV during gospel doctrine class. Strange huh! I didn't even have the calling yet. I think the biggest block to indexing in our ward is unfamiliarity. If the screen were visible during class time and changing over and over again as I worked on it think of all the people who would be exposed to Web indexing and become more familiar with it. Perhaps during the last 5 minutes of lesson time I could answer questions.

You might not think people can do two things at once. Tami Salmon passed out play dough last month and invited everyone to be creative. You should have seen the amazing creations at the end of the lesson! If the teacher agreed, I think my idea might fly. And maybe it is not my idea. . .

Mark Jensen did not give me any direction. So I am here to be directed. Thank you for accepting me into your cadre. :)

Vern,

The newest family history consultant.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are some excerpts from my journal today:

Sunday, March 15, 2018.11:30 AM

I'm scared.

Mark Jensen wants to visit with me after the block. I was so peaceful inside and then I started to come apart after he asked at 10:45 AM. I am much, much more in touch with my feelings these days. I have thought of more than 10 reasons why he might want to see me. Most bad, “in trouble”, types of things. Oh well we'll see :-(

–12:30 AM I have a hollow/empty spot in my stomach.(what I didn't say was that I could hardly concentrate on anything else.)

–I tried to buy a bow saw blade at Lowe's. None were long enough. :-( I bought a new shorter bow saw $10.

– I just had a pleasant possibility cross my mind… I could be called as a Ward indexing helper!!! Two hours later, a satisfactory appointment. I feel relieved. Thank you heavenly father! Yippee. I feel so happy inside. Relief.

(One-page later)

– I was called as a family history consultant. :-) Kim Garrett Mark Jensen were with me in the clerk's office when Mark made the call. He asked if I had any questions. Yes. Who is my leader? We don't know. Brenda five field was called today as well. I told him about my anxiety for the two hours after he made disappointment. Mark Jensen listened. The Bishop needed to come in. Kim Garrett was distracted. Mark Jensen thought it was cool. I told him if he has seen the numbers that he knows how into it I am this year. Mark Jensen said, maybe that will be your specialty.

So those are some of my sentences from my journal today. I was not exaggerating when I started by saying, I am scared. My emotions tend to go ballistic with anxiety. When I have my dentist appointment at 9:30 AM last Tuesday I had to admit that just entering that building scares the tar out of me. I'm 62 years old. Do you think I have post traumatic stress disorder?

I wasn't sure if I could focus as I laid in bed this afternoon anticipating studying a Gordon B Hinckley lesson from the priesthood manual last year. I prayed about it and then I tried. It went well. Then I knew I wanted to have a nice long prayer. I am incredulous about the above experience. I thanked heavenly father for giving the Holy Ghost or ministering angel her mission to enlighten my mind with what the calling might be. Thursday night after my book of Mormon class I came home depressed and discouraged. I took Molly for a walk and told heavenly father how I was feeling. Sometimes it helps me to face the things that are bothering me. So I made a list of 25 items that might be disturbing my emotions. After I was done with my 25 item list I had to be fair. So I made a 25 item list of things I am grateful for as well. I didn't feel much better but I knew that I wasn't hiding anything.

I considered outlining all the possible reasons why Mark Jensen might want to talk to me in my journal. But I didn't want to write down all of the possible negatives. So I pushed it aside and tried to think about and write about other things. I wrote five columns in my journal today. One column is notes from president Beatty and president Gil Almquist's Ward conference talks. I didn't want to ask heavenly father to take away my worry and anxiety. But he knew what was in my mind and my heart. I only had to suffer two hours before I had peace. My eyes overflowed a number of times as I prayed about this experience this afternoon. It probably wouldn't mean much of anything to anyone else in the world. But it means a ton to me. To have that pleasant possibility cross my mind and peace and enter my heart and soul was like a confirmation and validation of my importance, to heavenly father. It is so strange. I am very grateful!

~~~~

I wrote my nephew Nate Cantrell last Tuesday. We have a mutual/ shared blog called onward2.  Above I documented a very special spiritual experience I had today. I was looking through my posts trying to find the one I seemed to remember documenting after our Monday FHE.

I don't want to lose it so here it is:

with no consideration of recompense.

March 20, 2018

Tuesday, 3/20/18

Hello Nate,

God bless you!

I am not sure what you do to celebrate FHE on Monday nights. Once a month we have a group that meets together and call it Empty Nester's Family Home Evening.

I am the only single guy that attends. And we always have a pot luck dinner. I have a severe allergy to monosodium glutamate, a flavor enhancer, also called MSG. It is in gravies and salad dressings and flavored potatoe chips and tomato sauce and on and on. Rather than try to decide if there is anything I can eat I just eat at home and sit at the table without a plate and visit while everyone else eats.

You may ask, why go if you can't eat? Answer: Socializing

Sounds strange doesn't it. Let me tell you it is strange and it causes everyone around me to reevaluate their own motivations.

After FS yesterday I ran some errands and then went home for my late lunch and reading time and nap. Then when I am not fighting sleep I can index some more, refreshed and awake at night. I am restudying GBH whose teachings were our priesthood and relief society manual last year. I get spiritually saturated at times and am full enough I can't take in any more. One page from his lesson left me full and very thoughtful.

This is the page:

"The Lord has declared in modern revelation, “If your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you.” (D&C 88:67.)

As we look with love and gratitude to God, as we serve him with an eye single to his glory, there goes from us the darkness of sin, the darkness of selfishness, the darkness of pride. There will come an increased love for our Eternal Father and for his Beloved Son, our Savior and our Redeemer. There will come a greater sense of service toward our fellowmen, less of thinking of self and more of reaching out to others.

This principle of love is the basic essence of the gospel of Jesus Christ.5

If we would claim to worship and follow the Master, must we not strive to emulate his life of service? None of us may rightly say that his life is his own. Our lives are gifts of God. We come into the world not of our own volition. We leave not according to our wish. Our days are numbered not by ourselves, but according to the will of God.

So many of us use our lives as if they were entirely our own. Ours is the choice to waste them if we wish. But that becomes a betrayal of a great and sacred trust. As the Master made so abundantly clear, “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.” (Mark 8:35.)6

My beloved brethren and sisters, the challenge is great. The opportunities are all about us. God would have us do His work—and do it with energy and cheerfulness. That work, as He has defined it, is to “succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.” (D&C 81:5.)

It is to minister to those in need. It is to comfort the bereaved. It is to visit the widow and the fatherless in their affliction. It is to feed the needy, to clothe the naked, to shelter those who have not a roof over their heads. It is to do as the Master did, who “went about doing good.” (Acts 10:38.)7

My message to you today … is that you resolve to dedicate a part of your time, as you map out your life’s work, to those in distress and need, with no consideration of recompense."

Did any of that touch you?

I loved it.

I wished I could share it with my quorum.

So I took my priesthood manual with me to ENFHE last night just incase it would be opportune to share. Well as it turned out the person giving the lesson fell through so it was Vern to the rescue! It was perfect. It was almost as if it had been planned.

You may have heard the oft quoted scripture: if ye are prepared ye shall not fear.

Well what about: if ye are prepared the opportunity will be provided?

I love to teach. I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. I love the prophets of the restoration. So I could give it my whole heart and soul.

As I left I had the doubts enter my mind. How had I done? Was the message appropriate? Then I realized, they were not my words. They were the words of a prophet given with my personality. I was safe!

~~~
Sunday continued.
Teasing is a way of showing acceptance and affection. Jason Chappell sat at the back with me in SS and we teased a bit. Loud episcopalian Liz [The Episcopal Church is the United States-based member church of the worldwide Anglican Communion. Anglicanism is a Western Christian tradition that evolved out of the practices, liturgy and identity of the Church of England following the Protestant Reformation.] teased me. RondaT teased about sitting up front if I wanted to hear as she left class to go to RS. I was well teased.

I sat outside the bishop's office after the block to be sure I was there for MarkJ's appointment. Hal Demke came over and shook my hand and called me Brother Cheerful. Cheerfulness was the theme of D&C 123: 17 taken by both HC Emmet in priesthood and Bishop in his talk 2 weeks ago. [I saw bishop and Q home teach John and BrendaM today. Bishop Cliff Dunn was their hometeacher too. Of course I cheered and yelled, "Horray for home teachers" as they walked away to their next appointment. President Almquist stated that we were witnesses of a miracle healing in Bishop Adams life so he could remain our bishop.] What? Hal Demke walked out of his way to friendly shake my hand, and compliment me? Little things like that mean so much after the dregs I felt from JenniferR, last month.

As I pedaled to the Audrey Bird family for my HT appointment at 12:30 I saw the Lisa Larsen family walking home. I drove my bike crazy and yelled a big cheer for them: "Horray for the Larsen family!" Lisa had said hi but that brought out a big laugh. I bugged DerekL about listening to Black Velvet by Alannah M again today before priesthood. He didn't remember the couple of suggestions I gave him 5 or 6 years ago. I told him I listed to it at least 5 times this week. I just stopped and sent him the youtube address, Lisa as well.

I love celebrating righteousness among our ward families!

Alannah Myles - Black Velvet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tT4d1LQy4es

Monday, 3/26/18 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Adrian, Monday 3/26/18

You sent me Youtube video to view and analyze about CERN. [The European Organization for Nuclear Research, known as CERN, is a European research organization that operates the largest particle physics laboratory in the world. Wikipedia Address: Route de Meyrin, 1211 Genève, Switzerland Hours: Closed ⋅ Opens 8AM Tue Founded: September 29, 1954 Particle accelerator: Large Hadron Collider Founders: Switzerland, Germany, Italy, France, United Kingdom, MORE] The commentator tried to make the point that the antimatter being produced is from evil and brings evil into the world.

I believe in evil. I believe that we would be taken over by evil if the warriors of Heavenly Father did not keep it at bay.

You remember the third of the hosts of heaven that followed Satan and were cast out? At Family Search I listened to a lesson where they guy had calculated that this earth will have housed 80 billion people by the end of the millenium during its existence. There were beings before us but we don’t count those as people. Only those after Adam. If 80b is 2/3rds then 40b is ⅓.

That means that Satan and his followers number at least 40 billion spirits on this earth right now. I imagine some of them are indulgent and lazy just like some people are indulgent and lazy. But many of them are astute and clever and experienced.

At my bomclass last Thursday night we were studying 2Nephi 10 about the Jews and I had to raise my hand and say: Some people look down on and mock the Jews for crucifying Christ and not believing in him even though he walked among them and performed miracles and taught his true gospel. But those Jews were not alone in their mixed up/ messed up world. Anytime the truth is cherished by a chosen people Satan works harder on them than anyone else. He had distorted their obedience into following details of the law and having lost the heart, the spirit of the gospel.

I believe the same has happened among Mormons. I believe they are the chosen and responsible people on the earth. And Satan works his hardest on them. I believe Joseph Smith was attacked by Satan in the Sacred Grove. I believe Moses was attacked by Satan after the burning bush.
Book of Moses

An extract from the translation of the Bible as revealed to Joseph Smith the Prophet, June 1830–February 1831.
Chapter 1

(June 1830)

God reveals Himself to Moses—Moses is transfigured—He is confronted by Satan—Moses sees many inhabited worlds—Worlds without number were created by the Son—God’s work and glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.

1 The words of God, which he spake unto Moses at a time when Moses was caught up into an exceedingly high mountain,

2 And he saw God face to face, and he talked with him, and the glory of God was upon Moses; therefore Moses could endure his presence.

3 And God spake unto Moses, saying: Behold, I am the Lord God Almighty, and Endless is my name; for I am without beginning of days or end of years; and is not this endless?

4 And, behold, thou art my son; wherefore look, and I will show thee the workmanship of mine hands; but not all, for my works are without end, and also my words, for they never cease.

5 Wherefore, no man can behold all my works, except he behold all my glory; and no man can behold all my glory, and afterwards remain in the flesh on the earth.

6 And I have a work for thee, Moses, my son; and thou art in the similitude of mine Only Begotten; and mine Only Begotten is and shall be the Savior, for he is full of graceand truth; but there is no God beside me, and all things are present with me, for I know them all.

7 And now, behold, this one thing I show unto thee, Moses, my son, for thou art in the world, and now I show it unto thee.

8 And it came to pass that Moses looked, and beheld the world upon which he was created; and Moses beheld the world and the ends thereof, and all the children of men which are, and which were created; of the same he greatly marveled and wondered.

9 And the presence of God withdrew from Moses, that his glory was not upon Moses; and Moses was left unto himself. And as he was left unto himself, he fell unto the earth.

10 And it came to pass that it was for the space of many hours before Moses did again receive his natural strength like unto man; and he said unto himself: Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed.

11 But now mine own eyes have beheld God; but not my natural, but my spiritual eyes, for my natural eyes could not have beheld; for I should have withered and died in his presence; but his glory was upon me; and I beheld his face, for I was transfigured before him.

12 And it came to pass that when Moses had said these words, behold, Satan came tempting him, saying: Moses, son of man, worship me.

13 And it came to pass that Moses looked upon Satan and said: Who art thou? For behold, I am a son of God, in the similitude of his Only Begotten; and where is thy glory, that I should worship thee?

14 For behold, I could not look upon God, except his glory should come upon me, and I were transfigured before him. But I can look upon thee in the natural man. Is it not so, surely?

15 Blessed be the name of my God, for his Spirit hath not altogether withdrawn from me, or else where is thy glory, for it is darkness unto me? And I can judge between thee and God; for God said unto me: Worship God, for him only shalt thou serve.

16 Get thee hence, Satan; deceive me not; for God said unto me: Thou art after the similitude of mine Only Begotten.

17 And he also gave me commandments when he called unto me out of the burning bush, saying: Call upon God in the name of mine Only Begotten, and worship me.

18 And again Moses said: I will not cease to call upon God, I have other things to inquire of him: for his glory has been upon me, wherefore I can judge between him and thee. Depart hence, Satan.

19 And now, when Moses had said these words, Satancried with a loud voice, and ranted upon the earth, and commanded, saying: I am the Only Begotten, worship me.

20 And it came to pass that Moses began to fear exceedingly; and as he began to fear, he saw the bitterness of hell. Nevertheless, calling upon God, he received strength, and he commanded, saying: Depart from me, Satan, for this one God only will I worship, which is the God of glory.

21 And now Satan began to tremble, and the earth shook; and Moses received strength, and called upon God, saying: In the name of the Only Begotten, depart hence, Satan.

22 And it came to pass that Satan cried with a loud voice, with weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth; and he departed hence, even from the presence of Moses, that he beheld him not.

23 And now of this thing Moses bore record; but because of wickedness it is not had among the children of men.

I believe our 12 apostles can be trusted. I told Britner that Satan intrigues me. But he knows I only believe the living apostles on this earth. He sent me a talk by JRHolland that reminds us that after we have had inspiration from heaven, Satan steps in and fills our minds and hearts with doubt and disbelief.

Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence by Jeffrey R. Holland

Their are wonderful wholesome people all over the world. I believe that even in the dark ages there were those who prayed and were sincere and received help and inspiration and reassurance from God. I believe he has answered prayers offered by sincere people throughout the history of the world. I also believe that our selfishness invites Satan into our lives. If we do not serve a higher power or purpose we end up serving a lower one. I believe your service to your special beloved needy family is service to a higher power. The power of love and unselfishness.

Eventually science and the true gospel of Jesus Christ will be one and the same. In the meantime mankind will be discovering bits a pieces here and there and sometimes explain them correctly and most the time not. But we do our best. Not very many of us can tap into direct revelation. Moses did it. Joseph Smith did it. By the age of 12 Jesus Christ had done it. Not a single prophet or apostle has had the gift of translation since JS lived. We sustaining them as prophets, seers and revelators but not, NOT translators. Joseph had a special gift.

LE Modesitt has a trilogy about ghosts in an alternate reality and I am reading the third book right now. I love fantasy and science fiction because I know it is not true. When I want truth I know where to go as well.