It is the last day of September. We had double our average rainfall this month. The month of August was the same. We had double our average rainfall in August too! In July our stake president asked us to pray and fast for rain. In their letter to us they even said, pray for gentle, long, undamaging rains. I found that very interesting. The gentle part has not come to pass but, shocker the amount has doubled.
I got very frustrated with this principle when I was doing therapy with Mark Clayton in 2000. We were fasting and praying for rain and the drought continued unabated for a year! I was so disappointed. What about our fasting and prayers? Weren't they working?
Mark Clayton smiled and said, Vern, there are so many variables involved. Maybe it isn't part of God's plan to have rain right now. Maybe the saints aren't worthy and need to repent and on and on. I felt like my faith was on trial. If it didn't rain then my faith didn't work. Even in every temple session during the prayer circle they were praying for rain.
So, when we were invited to join together again this year I said to myself, I have been here before. I am not going to put all my eggs in one basket. I will support them but I am not going to worry about being as fervent as last time. But as you can tell, I am keeping track, according to the national weather service for our area. " )
#9 to Brandon Perry Smith
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12:54 am just past midnight,
Saturday. Sunday, September 28, 2014
Hello
Brandon, I opened your letter from the 20th of September tonight
after my evening nap. That means you wrote it last Saturday.
I
am going to number my comments to start with so you know when I change topics. (As
well I.)
I
too 1) like to organize my colors by color groups and not alphabetized. Teasing: To play the game you were supposed
to make up names for all the colors.
UNtease: Since I just made a new set of color coordinated dots for you.
. . you could label a set and send them back to me so I could see what you
would have called them. How far does
your creativity go? Does it go that far?
: )
Can’t
say you don’t know what sienna color looks like anymore, can you!
I
smiled as I read your letter. As you can see you inspired me to make you a new
set of colored dots. I first had to remember where I had put the crayons. Yes!
It was in my first place guessed!
Thank
you for responding as best you could. I know you are developing new talents for
writing and expressing and trusting and sharing.
Are
your letters kept private or do they get to read what you wrote before you send
it?A-
I
was worried they would see all those 8 slips of paper like the ones I made for
you again today, with all those 8 different
colors on each one and wonder if they were doused with lsd or something
and keep them from you. Especially since they returned my letter where I put a
sticker on the return address.
You
are very, very limited aren’t you.
I
understand 2) about the frustration of being patient and waiting. I regularly
have dreams about it. Waiting, waiting, waiting. How does one deal with
it? In my opinion you try to create,
adventure and explore in whatever ways your limited circumstances allow.
Example:
Last Sunday was the rededication of the new Ogden Temple. The stake centers around the world were
classified as extensions of the temple for that occasion. The doors were locked
30 minutes before the beginning of the dedication session. Everyone was to
bring a white Hanky, handkerchief. That is for the Hallelujah Shout at the end.
I wrote down the words this time so I could remember them afterwards.
There
were 3 sessions. 10am, 1pm, 4pm. I wanted to be first and planned on arriving
at 9am so I could get a good seat. But something inside of me was resistant to
the idea of 3 whole hours! Who wants to be locked up and limited for 3 whole
hours? So I was lacking some of the motivation to get there early. I did sit
down at about 9:17 so at least I made the deadline. Temples are places to
contemplate and ponder and meditate. I think that is why the 30 minute waiting
time before the meeting. They had tabernacle choir music and a visual program
of all the temples and especially the Ogden temple with all the different rooms
and exteriors.
How
was I going to use that time? I did not see anyone else with one but I took my
journal. I wrote and thought and recorded and the time just flew by for me.
You
may have heard of Victor Frankl, a jewish psychologist who lived/ worked/
survived in the German concentration camp. He wrote a short green book showing
how the final freedom is our freedom of the mind and attitude. That starving,
kind prisoners could still sacrifice their food or care for someone they felt
needed it etc.. That prayer and communication with God can still happen even in
those circumstances. I found this book
at my Father in laws house and read it while there since my wife was so occupied
with her family during a visit in the ‘80’s.
I
have not adopted his insight or teaching. It just came naturally. I just figure
out ways to occupy myself when I am in limiting circumstances, like a doctor’s
waiting room, faculty meeting, empty spaces between parent conferences, trying to go to sleep at night etc..
I
left my journal in the church library when I went in to have copies made. It is
a part of my church protection from boredom. The SS president brought it to me
after Priesthood meeting. I left priesthood meeting to go find it in the SS
room but it wasn’t there. I was relieved when he brought it.
Now
knowing you, especially from this last letter you wrote me, you would say, but
there is nothing to write about. It is almost the same every day. But Brandon, your thoughts don’t have to be
the same. You read. You think. You study. You opinion (at least a little.) So
do I. Admittedly, my life is a lot more stimulating than yours! But if you read you can consider and express.
Another
story. Elder Bruce R McConkie. BRM was known as the scriptorian of the 70’s and
80’s in the church. He wrote Mormon Doctrine and all the chapter headings for
the scriptures. I listened to every general conference talk given from ’71 till
present this last year. As I listened to him I was shocked and amazed at the
courage he showed in saying what he did in General Conference. He even shared
personal poems and hymns he had written. He gave his whole heart and soul to
his calling as he had his life to the understanding of his Lord. You may have
heard of his Messiah series:(Deseret Book)
Elder Bruce R. McConkie's
landmark series on the life of Christ is available in a boxed set. This
best-selling series examines the mission, ministry, and accomplishments of our
Savior, and includes six powerful volumes.
- The Mortal Messiah,
Volume 1: Beginning with the
prophecies that were coming to pass as the Advent of the Messiah
approached, and expanding on Jesus Christ's childhood, His baptism, and
early ministry, this landmark Spirit-filled volume is worth reading more
than once.
- The Mortal Messiah,
Volume 2: Delving into the
Savior’s Galilean ministry and reviewing the Sermon on the Mount and much
of the Pharisaic opposition, volume two of The Mortal Messiah will provide
readers with valuable insights.
- The Mortal Messiah,
Volume 3: This volume continues
with the life of Christ at the peak of his Galilean ministry, with
miraculous healings and the feeding of the four thousand, and continues
through to the Savior’s sermon on the Mount of Olives which includes the
Parable of the Ten Virgins and the Parable of the Talents.
- The Mortal Messiah,
Volume 4 Jesus — the Savior of
the world, the Messiah — is preparing himself to die. His mortal ministry
among men on earth is nearing an end, and he must prepare his disciples
for what is to be — his betrayal and crucifixion.
- The Promised
Messiah This volume presents a
careful analysis of prophecies concerning the First Coming of the Lord.
The discourse deepens our understanding that Christ is the Savior, that he
did indeed come to make atonement for the sins of men and thus opened up
the way for them to return to his presence.
- The Millennial
Messiah Prophecies from
ancient as well as modern scriptures are recounted, explained, and
compared as the author delves into every aspect of the Savior's second
advent. No careful reader can complete this book without adding
significantly to his knowledge about the Christian world's most-heralded
future event.
(Each
book is more than 400 pages long and Kathy bought me a set knowing how I love
studying the gospel, back in the 80’s. I tried reading them and it didn’t mean
anything to me. It just seemed like he was giving his testimony over and over
again in different ways.)
So
did I read them all? No way. I couldn’t
understand them. OK back to my story now that you are duly impressed with BRM’s
dedication and talent.
After
his death the Ensign published a synopsis of his life with quotes from others
etc.. His daughter came upon him one day throwing out a stack of written papers
over a foot tall. He said he didn’t need them anymore. What was it? He had
handwritten every verse from the book of mormon and connected each verse with
all the scriptures and ideas he could think of that were related to it. He told
his adult daughter IT was a way of studying and it had served its purpose.
I
was flabbergasted! Who in the heck would copy the book of mormon by hand? Let
alone express themselves about every verse. This was brand new information and
insight to me. And he just threw it away afterwards!
So
what is my point? Is it starting to make sense?
Now there is a good chance you do not feel safe enough to express
yourself. If that is the case I would just start with what I did feel safe
with.
I
was proud of you in the letter I read as you did express yourself a little bit.
Mainly in the way of questions. (…due to the necessity of letting a process run
it’s course, you were forced to refrain? …Sometimes I don’t feel so patient.
…Hmm, could a person become addicted to attending group therapy sessions? …I
don’t think I know you as well as you think I do. . . . So if there is already
a SS president how can there be another? …With every sarcastic remark there is
a deeper, unresolved issue….What color would consist of an azure sky?)
Here
was my favorite flattering line: Upon reading this letter, it really wasn’t as
bad of a puzzle I feared it might hvae been. Qutie a delight.
By
the way, you are doing fine in communicating and letting me get to know you.
Trying to get to know you through talking to others would be a cop out. I best
like how you really are and how you really feel.
Sorry
about your motorcycle.
Next,
3) a class president just helps the teacher conduct that class. Welcomes
everyone, lines up prayers, concludes the lesson. Takes some of the pressure
off of the teacher and allows them to focus on the lesson instead of business.
Great support for a teacher, especially in a large adult class.
I
suppose 4) one could become addicted to group therapy. But one enters group
therapy knowing they are broken and trying to heal. So the goal is to graduate.
Mark Clayton, my guru therapist, 1999-’04 told me that one of our OCD group
members would always need some sort of emotional monitoring. Instead of calling
it manic/depressive these days they call it bipolar. Group also costs money so
when the rewards are no longer worth the cost one quits.
How
well 5) do you know me? Sure there are things you don’t know about me, but
anytime someone writes you page after page of their thoughts and takes on life,
if they are perfectly honest and candid, you get a real good idea of what they
are like. Besides that, you have read my unfiltered, lengthy poetry to my
family members. They think I am way too revealing. And if I am, too bad. No
more secrets. Straight up. It’s you and I God and I am totally honest with you
and I can be with others too.
Of
course there are dangerous people one must avoid. Or wear a shell around
oneself to be protected. Jesus knew his calling and only did as the Father
wished. That gave him inner strength. Pilot and Herod and Ciaphas could not get
through his protective shell. He knew who he was.
So,
I like you said, once told my therapist I didn’t think I knew him. He said,
close your eyes. As you listen to my voice and consider the things I have said
and how I have responded and invited you, you know me. If my voice were
disguised and I was behind a screen and you had to pick which one was me by the
way I responded, you would be able to pick me.
I
have never forgotten that. Our personality, our spirit, our soul come through
with everything we say and do. Many
times I have wondered what my kids think of me. Strange as it may seem, they don’t
question me. They know me. They know my intensions and my foundations. And they
may forget but each time we relate they know me again.
By
the way, it is 3am in the morning. If I write like this, even in the middle of
the night you know something about me. :
)
Good
night for now.vj
Sunday,
September 28 10:29 pm
Hello
again Brandon, What a wonderful day it was. The night was not so good but the
day, yes.
I
have 6)nightmares of failure when I am caught up on my sleep. They usually
involve teaching school and my last principal, Barbara Garrett. (13 years with
her)
Last week 7)was the Ogden temple rededication
and next week is General Conference. So today was the only one of those 3 weeks
when we will have met as a ward. Ask me
if I ever miss? Nope.
So
I got there early to help set up chairs but they were already done. I went in
the young women’s room and started writing in my journal. I decided I would
make a column of questions for you, you, you. And it only took me a minute to
be curious enough to fill the column.
Btw,
it turned out to be fast and testimony meeting today. Luckily I seldom eat
breakfast so I could feel like I had almost fasted.
In
temple 8)dedications we do something not done at any other time in the church.
It is called the Hosanna Shout. It is performed by a standing audience and lead
by an apostle and we all have a white hanky that is waved.
Our
opening hymn today had 3 verses and the last verse ended with the same line:
Shout
hosanna to his name; One and all his might proclaim.
Did
you notice the words Shout hosanna? So cool after last week!
Our
last line in the sacrament hymn said:
WE
love thee, Lord; our hearts are full. We’ll walk thy chosen way.
What
a beautiful thing to be able to sing to Jesus Christ. We love thee, Lord.
I
have been so blessed 9)with my study of the gospel this year and the temple
dedication this last week. I couldn’t
help but bear a testimony again. Since I am on the stand I don’t have far to
go. : )
You
haven’t 10)ever heard me speak but I have a loud clear voice when I need.
Teaching school helped to train me. I love my ward members and get as good a
view of them as the bishop does each week. As far as I can tell they all love me in
return as well.
I
always 11)lead one verse in priesthood opening exercises too. I missed one week
last month when I came in late after our SS family history class let out late.
I was surprised to see the 2nd counselor, Mark Jensen, leading a
verse when I arrived. I like to be dependable and support the bishopric in that
way. You probably know that the RS room has soft chairs. We had a new addition
put on our building last year and now we have a Priesthood Room with soft
chairs as well! To really learn how to
lead music one would need to do all the verses of a hymn but I usually have an
Aaronic priesthood boy help me lead each week so that they get the experience.
Today we had two blonde boys being funny and sitting in two chairs at the front
facing the brethren. I announced that I had two helper conductors. One of them
quickly joined the audience but the other one hung in there and lead the music
with me.
Because
I have been so consumed with indexing and temple work I decided to pick a hymn
celebrating it today. My organist, Hal Stead did not know the song, but he practiced
for prelude and was ready when we sang.
I
write all the words on a chalk board so they can just see and read them. I have
lots of experience speed writing on a chalk board. Our gospel doctrine class is
held in the same room so I just prepare after the SS lesson is over. (I seldom
attend Family History Class)
The
hymns are a refuge to me. Just like the temple. My wife gave me a miniature
hymn book on one of those present/gift occasions when we were young. During my worst life trial times I would drive
to Silver Reef and then hike up to Oak Grove on the south facing slope of Pine
Valley Mountain and then back down. At
first I would just pray to my heart’s content and talk with HF but then I began
packing my hymnbook and singing to myself and testing myself on every song to
see if I knew it and could sing it. It
was a special communion time between me and God. There are also cassette tapes with all of the
hymns in order that I would listen to and practice at home. So what seems
familiar to me may not be familiar to all the saints. Our circumcision friend, Hal Demke, told me
that today’s priesthood hymn would not be in the next hymnbook edition. He was
baiting me. I bit. Why’s that? I asked. H-because nobody knows it. Was his
reply!
But
I read to all the brethren the words off the board before we started and I was
wonderfully pleased with their singing of an unfamiliar hymn today. (I have
been smiling the whole time I have been writing this because it brings me such
happy feelings.)
Here
are the words to the first verse which we tried to sing:
p.
288
How
beautiful they temples, Lord! Each one a sacred shrine.
Where
faithful Saints, with one accord, Engage in work divine.
How
beautiful some aid to give To dear ones we call dead,
But
who indeed as spirits live; They’ve only gone ahead.
OK.
What
about all those questions I wrote for you? (Just pick and answer the ones you
want in each letter until you are done.)
-Can
you listen to your own music?
-List
all of the nemeses in your life and how they afflicted you. (nemesis noun, plural
nemeses
[nem-uh-seez]
1.
something that a person cannot conquer, achieve, etc.:
The performance test proved to be my nemesis.
2.
an opponent or rival whom a person cannot best or overcome.
-List
all the heroes in your life and how they affected you. (I told you about one of
mine last letter: Greg Johnston)
-How
tall are you?
-What
do you weigh?
-What
is your birthday?
-How
did you compare with other kids in reading groups back in elementary school?
-What
were you like in math?
- “ “ “ English?
-
Social Studies?
-PE?
-What
things/ hobbies/ accomplishments/ have brought you the greatest pride/ sense of
success in your life?
-Did
you like to play with fire?
-Have
you ever been “over the top” with fear?
-How
many broken bones and how?
-How
many hospital visits and why?
-Ever
cried in a book or movie?
-Best
answer to prayer?
-Worst/
disparate need to pray?
-Tell
me about passing the sacrament and your experiences with it.
-
“ preparing the sacrament “ “ .
- “ blessing
the sacrament “ .
-Where
are you in your scripture study?
-It
sounds like you have no church services or Family Home Evening. What do you do
instead?
-What
do you think of the 5 sides of the health pentagon I limericked to Michael?
How
are those for starters? Like I said just answer when you are ready or when you
run out of stuff to say. In fact you could ask your own questions and answer
them the way you would. Just options.
I
have been 12) imbedding the change of topic numbering in the first sentence
because if I put it at the beginning it indents. For example:
1) And I don’t like
losing writing space to margins.
2)
And
then trying to get out of it is a pain.
I
texted my hometeaching families today and asked if they would like a visit or a
letter. (Another unique characteristic about me. A home teacher that writes
letters? Necessity is the mother of creation.
There have been times when my families have been indisposed or unwilling
to be hometaught. Leaving a treat or writing a letter are options. I used to
say to myself, hey, it would take me 45 minutes to visit them and since I can’t
they will get a 45 minute letter/testimony instead.) Bonnie and Quinn were
sealed in the temple this summer. It is a second marriage for both of them and
after 10 years she agreed to be sealed to him. The Carter family I have visited
for just over a year and this is how the mother (kids gone) responded today: We
would like to see you but we are going to be in and out today with family :
(. We love having you come to our home
we also love your letters. So this month I will await a letter : ). Thanks so
much for being a great home teacher.
I
try contacting my families on the second Sunday of the month. So if it is the
last Sunday of the month they know that I have already made an effort and
sometimes, repeated efforts. So they do not think I am wimping out by just
contacting them on the last Sunday of the month. Is home teaching a challenge?
Man, you better believe it!
So
this afternoon I needed to compose a testimony, message, letter of some sort.
One of the skill teachers learn along the
way is how to hook and audience. They find some strange, intriguing,
interesting story/fact /question that will grab everyone’s attention. If it is
current then that helps. Everyone wants to know news. I used your and my
correspondence about Michael’s 22 limericks for his 22 birthday as a hook in my
home teaching message /letter today. I hope you enjoy it. I also included the 22 verse poem. I created it so I can share it right? Besides, it was many hours of thought and
work over different days and it is true from my point of view.
Sunday,
September 28, 2014
Hello
Bruce Randall and Bonnie n Quinn Carter,
You
are wonderful. I love you. I am writing
as your home teacher this month. It is the last Sunday of the month and you are
indisposed. : )
I
have a friend of 5 months who is at the Purgatory Correctional Facility. You
may know the Hughes family in our ward. Brandon Perry Smith is Katrina Hughes
brother. He has been over there for longer
than 95% of the prisoners. 4 years.
Why
I started writing him is a long story. Ask me some time and I’ll share.
I
opened a letter from him last night. Letter number 7. He disagreed with two of
the verses I wrote for Michael’s birthday.
“Uh
oh, ‘N’ is incorrect: We may not ‘try over and over anew.’ We may learn from
mistakes, but the consequences must always be dealt with.
And ‘O’: I don’t think our Heavenly Father is
happy to see his children living miserably in a tenement house.”
Now
you 3, b b & q may not see the meaning of the limericks in quite the same
way as he did. (B, B, & Q)
On
N we may not have any consequences besides the sorrow of repentance. Christ has
paid the price. Now I agree with him partly, as far as this life is concerned.
But even in this life I have broken the law and commandments and not had to pay
the consequences. I know that is not something we want to teach our children
but I have gotten away with all kinds of things! I will not go into detail at this point. : )
The
concept is true though about reaping as we sow. Our character is built or torn
down. There is a 2x4’ picture hanging
above the computers were I usually work at the family history center. It show a
man and his son standing and looking at the ground in a plowed field with tools
in their hands and talking. Recently, I wondered to myself if I ever taught
that concept carefully enough to my children?
I
was concerned back in April that Michael may have picked up smoking from his
roommate. In my mind and heart I thought, that would be sad but it doesn’t make
a difference in my love for him. It can be repented of. I believe that is the
same way HF sees us in our sins and weaknesses. In fact there is no perfect
man. Only a God. So we were expected to sin. It is part of the plan. But then
comes Satan’s role. He tells us God doesn’t love us anymore because we have
sinned. We need to turn away from God because we are not worthy. WRONG. We just
need to fess up and tell him how hard it is for us. He can’t help us unless we
ask. He just wants us to depend on him.
In
the old testament Gideon had 3,000 soldiers to conquer Jericho or maybe more.
This is the part that seems so strange to me: The Lord said, I do not want them
to think they did it by their own strength. I want them to know that I am the
power. I am their God. I want them to look toward me and worship me so I will
save them!
First
he had Gideon release everyone who had family and really didn’t want to be
there. Then he had them all drink at the
stream/river. Only the ones who used one hand, 300 got to stay. The ones
that lapped water like a dog (I have 5 three week old puppies at my house.) or
used both hands were out of luck. And then they had to follow a ritual and on
the last day, “The walls came tumbling down.”
Do
you believe that story? How strong is your faith right now?
Our
best choice is not to wallow in our sin but rather to let it be in the
forefront between us and God. And talk with him
about it and if it is persistent, oh well, he will help us overcome it
someday. He may have to help us gain strength by keeping other commandments
before we are strong enough to disband/ defuse/ dissolve/ disperse that one. He
just wants us to be humble and depend on him! Let go of our pride. Admit our
weakness. And stay his friend. Don’t turn away. If we turn away we are out of
his power. Free agency reigns supreme.
Let’s
switch to O. Brandon sees the homeless and downtrodden. He feels for the poor
and destitute. He doesn’t think HF wants us to be stuck living like that in a
tenement house.
My
limerick was for rhyming purposes. But that was one that he took personal.
This
world is not fair. WE as members of his church are one in 500! The other 499
are not as blessed as we. Some portion of that 500 go to bed hungry at night. A
goodly portion!
I
have indexed 1300 + Italian names this month. Some died shortly after birth.
None of them ever heard the true gospel of Jesus Christ as found in the Book of
Mormon and the Bible. Who was there to teach them?
But
God is fair. This world is not because it is the testing place. Brother Chenney
from SLC says this earth will house 70 billion people all together. WE as
crazy, over achieving saints, and by the command of God and the spirit of
Elijah have accepted the responsibility of baptizing everyone who has /will
ever live on the earth and doing all their ordinances for them. They proved
themselves in this miserable caldron of earth life without the gospel and
whatever character they developed will reward them appropriately by being able
to choose to accept or reject in the spirit world.
Non
members either have to say, yes we believe in baptism for the dead or no,
baptism is not important. Otherwise God is not fair.
He
is fair. He has had and does have a real plan for saving man. The word plan
never appears in the Bible. The word baptism never appears in the Old
Testament. Do you think something might be missing? Imagine if we took the
words plan and baptism out of the Book of Mormon, D & C and P of GP. What would be left?
Hello again Brandon,
If that offended you in any way I
apologize. We are risk taking anytime we communicate with someone else. And I
get very nervous about things where I share my heart and soul.
I knelt and prayed after writing
and printing those and adding a handwritten closing. I was too scared to deliver them.
After all my nightmares lately
that makes sense. As I prayed I realized my home teaching partner had not been
involved. I was worried the letters might not be delivered if I gave them to
him but it is our 3rd month together and he doesn’t even know where one of the
families lives. I looked up their addresses and wrote him a note. Remember when
you said you like straightforward communication? How about this:
Dear Eric,
I wrote.
You deliver.
Vern
I was his home teacher for nearly
2 decades so he knows me. We are good friends. He gave the note a good hearty
laugh as I delivered and read it to him.
He is not a regular church attender so I encouraged him to read the
messages so he could know what “we” were giving them this month. He texted me back within an hour. He had delivered!
Bonnie texted me back. Thanks.
Step by step, not knowing
beforehand what I should do. That is one of Nephi’s phrases.
In closing, Brandon I am going to
try to shrink this down to 8 pages so I can include the other set of 64 colored
dots.
Thanks for your efforts to dialog/
communicate/ correspond. Try to make it work for you. Remember, meaningful
communication means meaningful to you!
